


LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, 

joY^tts — ■ 

Chap, Copyright No. 

ShelCJ^A/lS 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



i 




C. F. B. MIEL. 



&a 



A Soul's Pilgrimage 



Being the Personal and 
Religious Experiences of 



CHARLES F. B. MIEL, D. D. 



PHILADELPHIA 

GEORGE W. JACOBS & CO. 
1899 

L. 



<» 




610 



Copyright, 1899, by 
George W. Jacobs & Co. 



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ImAtAM-a**, 



CONTENTS. 

PAGB 

Introduction 5 

At College and Seminary 11 

The Jesuits 19 

In Paris 31 

London 44 

Fiat Lux ! 58 

In Rome 70 

In England Again 81 

Breaking Close Ties 91 

New Friends 101 

The New World 11 1 

Varied Experiences; New York 126 

Boston 139 

San Francisco and Chicago 156 

Religious Requirements of Our Time 175 

The Episcopal Church 182 



s 



INTRODUCTION. 

YOUNG MIEL, a student in the seminary at 
Besangon, about the year 1842, having heard 
the eloquent Jesuit, Pere de Place, preach at the 
cathedral the Advent season, determined then and 
there to enter the Society of Jesus. But there was 
a difficulty in the way. Miel had contracted a 
debt for his collegiate education, which he was 
now paying off from his salary as tutor to young 
Marquis de Lenoncourt. He would not be free to 
follow his attrait until this debt should be paid. 
Thereupon his friend, the Abbe Perny of Pontar- 
lier, afterwards vicar-apostolic in China, offered to 
take his place as tutor and turn over the whole of 
the salary toward the payment of Miel's debt, and 
did so. 

From that time until now, in his hale and rev- 
erend age, Dr. Miel has had the gift to win friends. 
As one of these he has done me the honor to per- 
mit me to introduce him to American Churchmen 
and Christians. If he is not better known than 
his introducer it is because his useful and most 
interesting life has been led in fields in which 
Americans are not wont to walk. Here is the 
manner of life of the Jesuits described, kindly and 
with appreciation, by a man who made his full 



IFntroDuction 



novititate with them, remained for several years 
under their spiritual direction and entertained with 
them the most friendly relations, until conscience 
and clear conviction obliged him to leave their 
church. 

It is difficult, moreover, for us, living as we 
habitually do in the provincialism of our English 
language, to realize that our venerable confrere is 
one of that brilliant group of the later years of 
Louis Philippe, one received on equal terms by 
Lacordaire, de Ravignan, Lamartine, Montalem- 
bert, Lenormant, Ozanam, Jules Simon, Labou- 
laye, etc. 

An English lady, an Anglican, claimed the priv- 
ilege to take off his shoulders and upon her own 
the burden of educating his brothers and sisters, in 
order that he might the sooner enter the Roman 
priesthood. When the Abbe Gounod turned aside 
to follow music instead of the priesthood, it was to 
Miel he gave his surplice and beretta. Ravignan 
was his confessor, and presented him to the Arch- 
bishop of Paris for ordination, and to him was 
given to represent the French Catholics at the 
funeral of Daniel O'Connell. 

How such a man with such an entourage, with 
such prospects of preferment before him, was 
driven from within to abandon it all and start upon 
the long and weary pilgrimage in search of that 



Unttotmctfon 



place where truth dwells, makes up the story of 
this book. It is the history of a Soul. His sad 
conviction that fidelity to truth would lead him 
out of that great Church in which his heart and 
imagination were bound in capitive chains, his 
stumbling about in the darkness of blank negation, 
his search for spiritual kinsmen among the Uni- 
tarians and the Transcendentalists, and his finding 
of a spiritual resting place in the Anglican Com- 
munion — all these make up a story which has been 
often lived but seldom told. We wait yet for the 
Apologia of the convert from Rome, which may 
be set over against that other drawn out by the 
great Anglican preacher who became the insig- 
nificant Roman cardinal. , That no Protestant car- 
dinalate has come to Dr. Miel is because Protes- 
tantism pays her champions in a different kind of 
wares. The foundation truth of the truth as it is 
in Christ, is that truth is its own exceeding great 
reward. None knows this better than the author 
of this autobiography, who, in his serene old age, 
sets down in little the story of a life which was 
great, at the solicitation of his sons and his friends, 
among whom I am glad to subscribe myself. 

S. D. McConnell. 
Holy Trinity, 
Brooklyn, 

Advent, 1898. 



AUTHOR'S INTRODUCTORY. 



My Dear Sons : 

You have often expressed a desire to 
know more perfectly the noteworthy events and 
especially the religious experiences and changes of 
my life. You say that you feel these may not 
only interest but help spiritually those who, 
like myself, have been harassed and tried by 
doubt. If this be so, I will gladly tell my story 
to you, personal and sacred as many of the details 
are, and you in turn may tell it to others. 

Let me begin at the beginning, and relate to 
you, first, in all simplicity, the principal incidents 
of my classical education. 



CHAPTER I. 

AT COLLEGE AND SEMINARY. 

I WAS born on the twenty-third of September, 
1818, at Vars, near Gray, a village about 
eight leagues from the city of Dijon. My parents 
were deeply religious people and, in their own 
simple circle, highly considered. They sustained 
themselves and their family on the produce of a 
modest property. My mother, then in her twen- 
tieth year, took charge during the winter of a 
school for young girls, the first one started in the 
district. The cure of the parish, M. Demay, was 
a man of superior culture and learning. His rela- 
tions to my parents were those of a kind friend 
as well as a devoted pastor. When I was still a 
stripling, this generous man took an affectionate 
interest in me, discovering, as he fondly hoped, a 
recruit for the sacred militia. Counting my taste 
for study and religious exercises as prophetic of a 
career, he arranged with my parents to send me 
to the college at Gray. 

Our good friend, ambitious for his young 
charge, had insisted on my entering one of the 



12 a Sours KMlsvtmacje 

advanced classes, which made my course difficult 
and somewhat discouraging at first. But I had 
resolved to succeed, and by persistent effort at the 
end of the first year was able to secure the two 
highest prizes ; those for excellence and diligence. 
The year following brought me forward far 
beyond my scant hopes and even the highest 
expectations of the cure himself. Of the fourteen 
prizes, thirteen fell to my lot with honorable men- 
tion of the fourteenth. It was decided by the 
masters that I should not enter the second class 
but pass at once to rhetoric, the highest form. 

My life in the college was so pleasant and my 
progress so encouraging, that I found myself look- 
ing forward to the time when I might become a 
member of its corps of teachers. In all likelihood 
I should have become such had not an unforeseen 
incident occurred which gave my thoughts and 
views a more serious turn. 

During the vacation, a young fellow-student 
came to visit us at Vars. He was not what one 
would call an exemplary youth, but a cheerful and 
pleasant companion, and such as one might pass a 
happy day with and not discover any grave fault. 
As I accompanied him homeward, he showed his 
real character in such a revolting manner that I 
was amazed and stunned. My revulsion of feeling, 
I cannot describe. Without even saying adieu, I 



Bt College and Seminary 13 

turned 011 my heel, and when I had reached a spot 
where he could no longer see me, I threw myself 
on my knees asking pardon for him and grace for 
myself. A vile suggestion made by him was a hor- 
rible revelation to me, and my whole nature was 
strangely stirred. In a single glance there opened 
before me the two possibilities of human life : the 
terrible apparition of a soul wedded to the vile- 
ness of sin, the heavenly vision of a soul conse- 
crated to the beauty of holiness. 

My resolution was instantly made. I determined 
that in the future I would devote myself wholly to 
the cause of religion. Twenty minutes later I 
was at my mother's side communicating my reso- 
lution to her. She embraced me fervently, happy 
as one rarely is in this world. My father, too, 
heartily sanctioned my determination, and that 
very evening we spoke of it to our worthy cure, 
who wrote the next day to the Superior at Luxeuil, 
asking my admission to his seminary, the first in 
the diocese of Besanccn. 

There was one serious objection to my leaving 
my father's house, which did not occur to me at 
once. At Gray I had lived with relatives and 
consequently my expenses were very small. At 
Luxeuil it would cost considerably more to live, 
and, as our family now numbered nine, my parents 



u B Sours pilgrimage 

were not in a position to make a large outlay for my 
education, much as they would have liked to do so. 
My decision, however, was made, and it was a 
matter too serious to me to admit of change. I set 
out without delay to visit a cousin of my mother's, 
a bachelor of comfortable fortune and generous 
spirit. Having told him frankly how matters stood, 
he asked me whether, if he should agree to 
advance the money for my expenses as the need 
for it arose, I would pledge myself to make it good 
when I was able to do so. I gave him my word 
to this effect, and without more ado, returned to 
my home, and immediately set out for the seminary 
at Luxeuil. 

At that time the seminary had at its head two 
remarkable men, the Superior, M. Guerin, who 
some years after became Bishop of Langres, and 
the Director, M. Mabile, who formerly had been 
Vicar of Gray, where he had known me, and who 
afterwards became Bishop of St. Claude and finally 
Bishop of Versailles. Both of these men favored 
me with a special affection of which I still retain 
many precious proofs. 

Coming from the third class, according to rule, 
I should have passed to the second ; but after brief 
examination, I was put into the highest class, that 
of the rhetoricians. 

There was a privilege for those who obtained 



Ht College ano Seminary 15 

the first rank in that class they greatly coveted, 
that of dining on Sunday at the professors' table. 
This pleasure fell to my lot the six last Sundays in 
the seminary year. 

During the summer, M. le Comte de Montalem- 
bert, the youngest of the peers of France, the lead- 
ing layman of the liberal Catholic Party, and 
afterwards the associate of Lamennais and Lacor- 
daire in the publication of " L'Avenir," came to 
pay our seminary a visit. A kind of academical 
reception was given him, and I was charged by the 
Superior to address the young and noble peer in 
behalf of the establishment. Although the speech 
inspired by the occasion won from him flattering 
congratulations, I was far from suspecting that later 
I should find myself in frequent communication with 
this distinguished man, then upon the threshold of 
a brilliant career. 

The diocese of Besangon had its school of phil- 
osophy and higher mathematics at Vesoul, chef- 
lieu of la Haute-Saone. There I pursued these 
studies for two years, and there it was my good 
fortune to meet one who was to prove my warm- 
est friend, M. Paul Perny, of Pontarlier, later 
apostolic vicar in China, and author of a much 
esteemed Chinese-French grammar and diction- 
ary. This noble fellow was soon to illustrate 
for me in the most real and generous way the 



*6 B Soul's fpilgrimaae 

words of La Fontaine : " How sweet a thing is a 
true friend ! He seeks for our wants deep down 
in our hearts. He spares us the shyness of dis- 
covering them ourselves." 

Up to this time my studies had been simply 
preparatory. It was at the great seminary of 
Besangon that they were to be completed, where 
the regular course in theology comprises four 
years. According to a special arrangement in 
this diocese, the students pass the first of these 
years as boarders in the seminary itself. The 
three following years they lodge in the town, as 
convenient to them. The object of this arrange- 
ment is to initiate the young clerics into the life of 
the world. After my first year under this system, 
I looked for a way of not only meeting my expen- 
ses, but also of earning enough to enable me to 
begin the reimbursement of my debt. The 
Superior, aware of this intention on my part, most 
kindly interested himself in my behalf and secured 
for me the position of preceptor in a noble and 
highly esteemed family, that of the Marquis de 
Lenoncourt. For two years I held this enviable 
position, devoting two hours each day to my 
studies at the seminary and the rest of my time to 
my young pupils. 

Already I had begun to be preoccupied as to 
what I should do after my ordination. What I 



Bt College ano Seminary 



had seen of the manner of life among the country 
priests did not at all attract me, and I mentally 
resolved to serve in a different way the cause ot 
Christ and His Church. Such were my feelings, 
when a Jesuit, renowned for his eloquence, Pere 
de Place, came to preach the Advent at the 
cathedral of Besangon. I followed the instructions 
regularly, and was so deeply impressed with the 
man and his message that I thought it well to go 
and see this reverend father and ask his advice as 
to my best course for the future. The more I 
knew him the more I admired him, and presently 
the idea formed itself in my mind that no higher 
purpose could I follow than to become a member 
of the society which he so worthily represented. 
On learning of my desire, he offered to recommend 
me to his Provincial as a postulant. There was 
but one serious obstacle to my acceptance of such 
an offer — the debt that I had promised and had 
already begun to pay. It was then that Abbe 
Perny gave me the most noble evidence of his 
goodness and the truth and depth of his friend- 
ship. Without a moment's hesitation, he proposed 
to take my place as preceptor of the young 
Lenoncourt and to give his salary toward the 
debt I had contracted. It was too generous a 
sacrifice, too kind an act. Yet his heart was set 
upon making it and he was determined that I 



18 B Sours pilgrimage 

should carry out my idea. I knew him well ; too 
well indeed to think of declining his offer, and 
thanks to him I was able to make the necessary 
arrangements and set out for the novitiate at 
Avignon, the only one the society then held in 
France. 



CHAPTER II. 

THE JESUITS. 

1FEEL called upon here, in justice to the 
Jesuits and for the better information of 
those who oppose that order, to state plainly what 
I know and think of this remarkable society and 
also of the character of its members. 

Indirectly it owes its birth to Luther ! 

It was towards the middle of the sixteenth cen- 
tury, when the influence of the Reformation 
threatened to spread throughout all Christendom, 
and made as if to force an entrance even at Rome 
itself, that the cry arose from those who had 
remained faithful to the papal power : " Who will 
check the onrush of this devastating torrent?" In 
answer to this cry of distress, Ignatius of Loyola, 
a man of ardent zeal and rare genius, came to the 
front as champion of the Church's cause. With a 
keen sense of the impending danger, he resolutely 
set about organizing a force which then and there- 
after might be relied upon to stand firm by the 
papacy and secure its perpetuation. The fruit of 
his zeal and labor was the Society of Jesus, which 



21 Sours pilgrimage 



to-day is rightly reckoned the most influential 
clerical body in the religious world. What it has 
done thus far is a matter of history, what it expects 
to do in the future is a matter of conjecture. A 
few words only as to its instrumentalities and 
methods, and first of all as to the character of the 
men who compose it. 

They cannot be ordinary men ; they must give 
evidence of special excellence in some unmistakable 
way. When a postulant has been admitted, the supe- 
riors, acting upon the principle that every man is en- 
dowed with some predominant talent, as soon as that 
talent is discovered, see to it that every opportunity 
shall be given for its highest cultivation. From 
the time when he is admitted as a member of the 
society the novice is afforded the best possible 
chance for intellectual development along the lines 
of his special aptitude. If his gift is that of teach- 
ing, then a teacher of the highest order he shall 
become ; if he promises ability as a preacher, then 
a preacher of power and persuasiveness he will be 
trained to be. At least, it shall not be for want of 
proper exercise in his calling or for lack of wise 
and watchful direction, if he fail to attain success. 

Meanwhile his conduct must be above reproach, 
and to this end there is an " exercise of modesty" 
in the discipline of each week. The novices are 
brought together in their hall of assembly, and the 



Gbe Jesuits 



master of novices, after prayer, summons at his 
discretion one of their number, who immediately 
leaves his place, advances in silence to the middle 
of the room and kneels. His brother novices are 
then called upon in turn to say what they have 
noticed in his behavior requiring correction or 
improvement. In all good conscience each must 
give his criticism, and when the entire assembly 
have complied with the rule, the master reviews 
the comments that have been made, to which he 
adds his own admonition, indicating clearly what 
must be amended before another such inquiry. 
The same impressive and searching discipline is 
performed for every novice. 

To this exercise is added another, of not so 
serious a nature, called the " exercice de bonne 
tenue." Its object is to inculcate dignity and grace 
of manner. In the presence of his brothers, the 
youthful novice is required to walk, to take a seat, 
to salute a friend or a superior, etc., etc., and all 
these gestures are submitted to the scrutiny of the 
assembly in order that defects in deportment may 
be pointed out and corrected. It is for this reason 
that the members of the society, as far as social 
demeanor is concerned, appear to an observer to 
have been run into the same mould, and can be 
distinguished even in a crowd. 

These two illustrations will serve to indicate 



B Soul's pilgrimage 



he minuteness of detail in the discipline of the 
society. Nor are such methods to be lightly 
passed upon as gratuitous, for the object in view is 
to turn out men trained in every particular and 
destined eventually to become the polished tools 
of their several superiors. 

To this end the greatest stress is laid upon 
unquestioning obedience. For the Jesuit this 
becomes in time the supreme virtue. Individual 
preference has no place in his code of morals. In 
any supposable conflict between personal inclina- 
tion and the rule of obedience, the Jesuit is not to 
hesitate for an instant. He is to obey, first, last, 
and always. The rule by which he binds himself 
is couched in the following explicit and compre- 
hensive terms : " Obedientia vestra sit ex omni 
parte perfecta; turn in intellectu, turn in actu, turn 
in voluntate." To paraphrase : " Let your obedi- 
ence be perfect in every way ; in understanding 
(persuaded that what you are ordered to do then 
and there is the best thing you can do), in action 
(doing what is ordered exactly, neither more nor 
less), in will (not doing it because you must, but 
with a willing heart)." This virtue of obedience 
is cultivated by every means possible, and the rise 
of any relationship which might hinder its growth 
is prevented by simple devices. For instance, the 
novices are always three in a room, lest strong 



Gbe $e6utts 23 



personal attachments spring up, which might be the 
case where two are thrown closely and intimately 
together. The same rule is observed at the time 
of recreation, where three must be found walking 
together. In leaving the room, the novice first 
seeks the permission of the "ancient" (who may 
be the youngest man of the group), and must say 
what he means to do in his absence. If it is his 
purpose to call at another room, he must also state 
the fact and the reason to the " ancient" there. 

In order to inculcate a spirit of readiness to 
obey, even in the performance of the humblest 
duties, a novice is required to spend a month in 
the kitchen and do the bidding of the cook (a man 
of meagre education) as freely and faithfully as if 
he were Jesus Himself. In the spirit of a servant 
of the Master he is obliged to do the most menial 
work, taking no account of its unpleasantness, but 
rather counting it gain to perform a disagreeable 
office. 

Promptitude is emphasized as an essential ele- 
ment of willing obedience, and in order to develop 
this virtue the novice is constantly reminded of his 
duty in a very practical way. For him, the clock 
which calls to any exercise, no matter of what sort, 
is the voice of God. His part is to leave instantly 
the occupation with which he is concerned at the 
time, however engrossing it may be, and hasten to 



24 B Sours {Pilgrimage 

the performance of the duty of the hour. Perfect 
obedience admits of no delay even in seemingly 
small matters. 

Of course the most important object in the dis- 
cipline is the spiritual improvement of the future 
Jesuit. To effect this, there is the practice of soli- 
tary meditation one hour every morning, preceded 
by a preparation of a quarter of an hour and fol- 
lowed by a review of the same length. In addition 
to this, the novice passes through the great Retreat 
of thirty-one days, during which he is left entirely 
to himself and may communicate only with his 
director. In this course, he observes five medita- 
tions of an hour each, one of them in the middle 
of the night, which with the preparations and 
reviews occupy seven hours and a half in every 
twenty-four. Let me say for the information ot 
those who are apt to count such devotions perfunc- 
tory, that one finds oneself entering so naturally 
and so deeply into these periods of silence and 
sober thought that looking at the notes which were 
written at the conclusion of each one of them, 
about the distracting thoughts that had come into 
my mind, I find several times this remark : " My 
distractions during this meditation might have 
taken the time of the recital of the Lord's Prayer." 
So it is that the Jesuit is trained to be a gentle- 
man, a superior man, an obedient man, a spiritual 



Gbe 3esutt6 25 



man. Having, then, a perfect tool at his disposal, 
in what way shall the Superior use it for the ulti- 
mate object of the institution ? 

The two principal means employed by the 
Jesuits to obtain and exercise a decisive influence 
over human souls are education and direction. 

To accomplish their work, the leaders of the 
Reformation wisely spread and diffused learning 
among the people. To counteract that work, the 
Jesuits conceived the idea of raising not altar 
against altar, but school against school; not indeed 
for the sake of learning in itself, but as the most 
effective means of saving and extending the power 
of the Roman Church. No pains are spared to 
accomplish this purpose ; so that you will find the 
Jesuit teacher not content merely with instructing 
his charges, but before everything else endeavor- 
ing to win their affection and respect. Particularly 
is this the case with those who have the children 
of Protestants under their guidance. And in this 
direction their success is so complete that those of 
their pupils who do not become Jesuits or fervent 
Roman Catholics, remain almost invariably devoted 
friends of their former masters. The same is true 
of the Ladies of the Sacred Heart, whose estab- 
lishments correspond to those of the Jesuits in 
object and moods and are under their direction. 
Both the colleges of the Jesuits and the schools of 



26 B Sours pilgrimage 

the Sacred Heart are designed, not for the poor, 
but for the children of influential parents, who, in 
time, are likely to occupy positions of prominence 
in society. To control society at its best, to shape 
the minds of those who are presumably destined 
to influence a large circle of others because of 
their rank and attainment, is the purpose of educa- 
tion in the hands of the Jesuits. 

Another and perhaps more effective avenue of 
power and influence is spiritual direction. Under 
ordinary conditions any one of the faithful, con- 
scious of sin, is enjoined to confess it to his priest, 
who, with or without words of advice, grants or 
withholds absolution, as the case may be. The rela- 
tions between confessor and penitent naturally end 
here. But it is not so with a Jesuit confessor. 
Spiritual direction supplements confession. By 
dint of continued persistence, the Jesuits have 
succeeded in having this idea accepted by the 
pious Romanist, that just as the word of the 
Bishop of Rome is to be unhesitatingly accepted in 
matters of dogma, so the word of the spiritual 
director is to be faithfully followed in matters ot 
conduct. In order to walk in the way of Christian 
perfection, the devout believer must accept one 
condition, that of. perfect obedience, and in all 
things, even the temporal, act upon the advice of 
his director. It follows from this that those who 



XLbc Jesuits 27 



have placed themselves under the direction of 
Jesuits — and most Roman Catholics of standing 
have done so — are destined to act out the parts 
assigned them by a society of which the supreme 
object is the exaltation of the papacy. One can 
readily see to what an extraordinary degree this 
organization is able to carry out the ambition of 
Rome. The Superior-General has absolute power 
over the provincials of the order ; the provincials 
absolute power over the superiors of the various 
establishments/ colleges or residences; these supe- 
riors in turn the same authority over the subor- 
dinate fathers of their houses ; the fathers over the 
faithful who follow their direction ; and lastly, 
these faithful Catholics, being oftentimes at the 
head of some seemingly independent society (like 
that of St. Vincent de Paul), carry the same influ- 
ence to the very last and most humble category of 
Romanists. 

Thus the Jesuits fulfil their fourth vow — that of 
complete consecration to the interests of papal 
authority. Small wonder is it, if Rome treats 
them as its privileged retainers, and grants a Jesuit 
peculiar powers which no secular priest may exer- 
cise, save under the authority of his bishop. The 
Jesuit knows no master but Rome, and Rome 
rewards his service with special favors. 

I remained at the house of probation of the 



28 b Sours pilgrimage 



Jesuits more than a year, from January, 1842, 
until March, 1843. I made my complete novitiate 
there, passing through all the tests to which 
aspirants to this famous order are subjected. I 
retain a precious and pious remembrance of it all. 
It was there I acquired the best of my early 
religious experience, and my notes of daily medita- 
tions are unequivocal testimonies of faith, of fervor, 
and of zeal. 

The fathers of this residence were eight in 
number, the novices thirty. Never have I met 
with so much talent united to so much piety and 
virtue. The thirst for souls seemed to devour these 
young aspirants to the apostolate. 

One day it was reported that four missionaries 
of the society had just died the death of martyrs in 
Madure. The master of the novices called these 
together and announced with evidence of deep 
emotion the sad but glorious news. Then, after a 
moment's silence, he continued : "That is not all, 
brothers. These worthy fathers must be replaced. 
Which of you are ready to start immediately to 
evangelize the very people who have killed our 
noble missionaries?" With one accord all present 
rose to a man. Four were selected, and within 
forty-eight hours were on their way to the field of 
blood. This is the devotion of those who are so 
badly understood and so often calumniated. 



XLbc Jesuits 



However, sincere as was my admiration for the 
members of this society, when the moment came 
for me to declare my allegiance to its rule, I was 
obliged to decline to make the step and for a very 
simple but forcible reason. According to the rule 
of the order, every novice who pronounced his 
vows, not yet ordained a priest, could not be made 
so until the age of thirty. I should have had to 
wait five or six years and pass them in study or 
teaching before being elevated to the sacerdotal 
office. I longed to preach and to work; I pined 
to engage actively and openly in the wider field of 
the Church's labors. Moreover, there was pressing 
upon me a duty that it seemed to me I could not 
honestly ignore. The eldest of eight children in 
a family in which the question of daily bread was 
always an urgent one, it seemed to me the time 
had come to put my shoulder to the family burden 
and to help to bear the weight of this responsibility 
along with my parents. Four brothers and three 
sisters were growing up, and must needs be edu- 
cated. As the eldest son, all possible sacrifices 
had been made to give me the advantages of a 
liberal training. It behooved me, in simple grati- 
tude, to see to it that my labors brought some 
practical measure of comfort and assistance to 
those who had so freely and generously denied 
themselves for me. Mindful of this duty I resolved 



30 B Sours {pilgrimage 

for the time being to couple my work in the 
ministry with some such employment as would 
enable me to render the home cares less burden- 
some. The Superiors of the society entered 
heartily into these views, and it was arranged that 
I should go to Paris, remaining still under their 
spiritual direction, and prepare myself there to 
receive Holy Orders, engaging meanwhile in such 
work as I was able to do. 

At the moment of leaving the novitiate, the 
master of the novices gave me this certificate, 
which I still possess : 

" I certify that the Abbe Miel, of the diocese of 
Besancon, spent more than a year in our house of 
probation at Avignon to study his vocation to the 
religious life, and that during all that time he was 
a model of good conduct and piety. I certify, 
besides, that if he leaves us, he does so of his own 
free will and not because the superiors do not 
desire him amongst them. 

"Given at Avignon, March i, 1843, 

" De Jocas, 
' 'Rector of the Novitiate. ' ' 



CHAPTER III. 

IN PARIS. 

ON arriving in Paris, I immediately put myself 
under the direction of the most celebrated 
and certainly the most gifted of all the Jesuits 
I have ever met, Pere de Ravignan, the Lenten 
preacher of Notre Dame, and the contemporary of 
Lacordaire, who at that time preached the Advent 
course in the same cathedral. It was my earnest 
desire to prepare myself in the best possible way 
to fill as worthily as I could the sacred duties of 
the ministry. Having made sure of a means of 
living by giving two or three hours each day 
to teaching, I devoted the rest of my time to per- 
sonal culture. Seldom has a young man had finer 
opportunities for intellectual growth than I at this 
time. For France, the last years of Louis Philippe 
were perhaps the most brilliant of the century. In 
every department of learning and letters talent was 
represented by illustrious men. In poetry, Victor 
Hugo and Lamartine ; in parliament, Berryer and 
Montalembert ; in the government, Guizot and 
Thiers ; at the Sorbonne, Cousin, Jules Simon, 



32 B Soul r 6 {pilgrimage 

Lenormand, Ozanam and Coeur ; at the College 
de France, Michelet and Quinet ; in the pulpit, 
Lacordaire and de Ravignan. 

I was anxious to learn something from each of 
these remarkable men. My Sundays were spent 
in listening to the famous preachers. During the 
week I distributed my time between the Sorbonne, 
the Chamber of Deputies, and the Chamber of 
Peers. Presently, to my great delight, I found 
myself in relation with such men as Berryer and 
Montalembert, Jules Simon and Ozanam, Lacor- 
daire and de Ravignan. The latter, as my spirit- 
ual director, proved a warm friend as well as a 
wise and trustworthy guide. Of many intimate 
conversations with him I retain a sweet remem- 
brance. His was not only a holy, but a liberal 
spirit. I was not surprised later when I heard it 
said that he thought of reasserting his independ- 
ence by asking the General of the Jesuits to release 
him from his vows. 

A trait which exhibited the nobility of his feel- 
ings and the largeness of his views appeared in 
one of our conversations. One day, troubled with 
doubts, I opened my heart to him, and, encour- 
aged by his evident sympathy, ventured to ask the 
question : " Is there not, my father, some way of 
recognizing what is true from what is false in reli- 
gious doctrine ; by which one may avoid the 



Hn U>arts 



necessity of constant reference to authorities, so 
many of which simply confuse the mind by their 
conflicting statements?" ''There is a way," he 
replied, "which, in the case of such doubt, I my- # 
self follow and recommend to you. Every doc- 
trine which tends to elevate the mind and enlarge 
the heart is true ; and every doctrine which works 
the contrary effect is false. Follow this principle 
and you will not fail of the truth." I have done so 
and am satisfied. 

Presented by this excellent and holy man to the 
Archbishop of Paris, Monseigneur Afire, two 
months after my arrival, I was admitted to the 
subdiaconate, and a year later, the 1st of June, 
1844, was ordained priest in the church of St. 
Sulpice. The following day I celebrated my first 
mass in the church of St. Louis d'Antin, which 
was in the parish where I then lived. 

Much as I desired to devote myself wholly to 
the work of the ministry, my determination to 
earn enough to allow me to assist in the educa- 
tion of my brothers and sisters kept me for a time 
from engaging in the more active field of the 
Church's labors. Accordingly, w T hen the lucra- 
tive post of preceptor and chaplain in the family of 
the Marquis de Cosse Brissac was offered me, I 
accepted it. The summer abode of this noble 
family was the chateau of Blanville, near Chartres. 



34 % Sours ftllgrimaae 

The winter was spent in Paris, where they 
occupied an apartment close by La Madeleine. 
Besides my duties in this household, I acted as 
chaplain at the house of the Comtesse de Gontaut, 
sister of Cardinal de Rohan, and an intimate 
friend of my patron, where I had, as clerk of the 
mass, the first Christian baron, le Baron de Mont- 
morency. On Sundays I officiated at La Made- 
leine, and preached there occasionally, having 
with two other ecclesiastics the oversight of the 
catechism. 

It was shortly before this that the Society of St. 
Vincent de Paul was founded. The circumstances 
which led to its institution are of peculiar in- 
terest. On a Sunday evening, Ozanam had gath- 
ered together a few students of the Sorbonne to 
take tea with him. After a simple repast, he laid 
before them a plan by which each one was t® un- 
dertake during the coming week to visit one or 
two poor families of the neighborhood and report 
to him on the following Sunday. The enthusiasm 
of the young men for so practical a form of benev- 
olent work soon developed, and shortly it became 
advisable to form the little group into a. society 
the object of which should be just such simple 
works of charity. From that modest beginning, 
in the library of this large-hearted man, the asso- 
ciation has grown until to-day it numbers two 



lin £>arts 35 



million members ! You may be sure that I was 
glad of an opportunity to be associated from the 
first with such a band of zealous men. 

Another society to which it was my privilege to 
belong, was " Le Cercle Catholique de la rue de 
Grenelle," which was founded at this time with 
the object of banding together Catholics of liberal 
views, clerics as well as laymen. It counted 
among its members such men as Lacordaire, 
Ozanam, Montalembert, de Falloux, de Montigny, 
Riancey, etc. 

It was my honor to represent this society in 
Dublin at the funeral of the celebrated Irish libera- 
tor, Daniel O'Connell. My companion was the 
young Count de Lestanville, who had been chosen 
by the Society of St. Vincent de Paul as its dele- 
gate. We set out together, and at Liverpool met 
the steamer bearing the remains of this distin- 
guished man. Never shall I forget the sight that 
greeted us on our arrival in Dublin Bay. A vast 
throng had gathered in the quay, and after a 
solemn and awed silence, suddenly burst into a 
wail of lamentation such as it is given a man only 
once to hear. It seemed as if the hearts of the 
bereaved people were breaking with grief. As the 
cortege moved from the quay, the multitude rever- 
ently followed the catafalque, and kept up a 
constant dirge until the remains of their hero were 



36 B Soul's EMlgrimage 

deposited within the church where the funeral 
service was to be held on the morrow. Few things 
could have been more imposing than that solemn 
service, as well as the great procession which 
followed the precious remains to their last resting 
place. It was evident, indeed, that Ireland had 
lost her chief son, and her people mourned for him 
as a mother mourns for her best beloved. 

Some weeks after our return to Paris, Pere 
Lacordaire pronounced the funeral oration of 
Daniel O'Connell at Notre Dame. John O'Con- 
nell, son of the great statesman, and Member of 
Parliament, had been invited to be present, while 
the Catholics of Paris were represented by some of 
their most illustrious men. No one, perhaps, was 
better fitted than Pere Lacordaire to perform this 
solemn office, and his words on that occasion were 
a worthy tribute of the people of France to the 
memory of a great man. 

On the evening of the same day, a dinner was 
given to John O'Connell by the Baron de Mon- 
tigny at his superb hotel (formerly the hotel 
Montmorency) in the rue de Babylone. Sixty 
guests were present, including many Church 
dignitaries, statesmen, journalists, etc. It was the 
evening of February 22, 1848 — a day destined to 
prove a memorable one in the history of France. 
Shortly before we sat down, the populace had 



Hn jpavte 37 



begun to assemble in the streets, and the crowds 
seemed to be moving toward the Champs Elysees. 
A valet was dispatched every quarter of an hour 
to bring us news of what was transpiring. As the 
reports grew more alarming, the guests became 
more preoccupied. After dinner, the company 
broke up into little groups to discuss the situation. 
A messenger presently brought us more serious 
tidings, so that the Baron de Villequier exclaimed : 
" Why, it seems a veritable mob !" To which the 
prophetic Berryer replied: "Take care that it is 
not a revolution!" Two days later, Louis Philippe 
was obliged to flee from the Tuileries, and restless 
France found herself once more a nation without a 
ruler. 

It was during the outbreak in June of the same 
year that the heroic death of the saintly Arch- 
bishop of Paris, Monseigneur AfTre, occurred. 
The soul of this devout man was deeply moved by 
the spirit of strife among the people. It cut him 
to the heart to see Paris on the verge of a fratri- 
cidal war, and God's call seemed clear to him, as 
the spiritual father of the community, not to spare 
himself in any endeavor to restore order and pro- 
mote peace. Accordingly, on the morning of the 
27th, he proceeded to the scene of conflict and 
mounted the barricades to plead with the populace 
on the one hand, and the soldiery on the other. 



3§ 21 Sours pilgrimage 

Scarcely had he uttered the words " My chil- 
dren — " when a shot fired from a neighboring 
building pierced him and he fell dead before the 
eyes of the mob. This tragic event was enough. 
A horror seemed to seize every one at the enormity 
of the crime, and from that moment the insurrec- 
tion ceased. Truly the good shepherd giveth his 
life for the sheep. 

It may be proper in this connection to speak a 
word about the power of the pulpit in Paris at this 
time. Perhaps the two most eminent preachers 
that France has produced are Bossuet and Lacor- 
daire. Both were the pride of Dijon, their native 
city. The superiority of Bossuet appeared in what 
he said, that of Lacordaire, in the way in which he 
said it. The latter' s eloquence corresponds pre- 
cisely to the word attributed to Demosthenes and 
repeated since by Massillon. When asked what 
were the essential elements of eloquence, the illus- 
trious Greek is said to have replied : First, action ; 
secondly, action; thirdly, action. 

I recall an occasion when this principle in the 
preaching of Lacordaire was illustrated. On a 
Sunday after Easter, Abbe Castan, a good friend 
of mine, and I found ourselves almost lost in the 
immense crowd pouring into Notre Dame to hear 
the great preacher. The subject he was to treat 
was the struggle between good and evil, the 



Hn IPatte 



conflict between the powers of the world and the 
Church of God. He opened with a paraphrase of 
the first verses of the second Psalm : " Qtiare fre- 
muerunt gentes" * * * ? Presently, as the 
idea began to unfold itself to his marvelous imagin- 
ation, his thought rose to such a height that my 
friend whispered to me : " He cannot continue 
in that strain !" It was true. Human language 
seemed to fail him. Yet standing there, his face 
illumined with the great thought, his body swaying 
under the inspiration of the mighty truth which his 
tongue refused to utter, he continued his gestures 
with such descriptive force, that, under the action 
of that mute eloquence, the assembly seemed to 
shudder. It was only a few seconds, perhaps, but 
seemed many minutes. Then the preacher slowly 
drew back his arm and solemnly laid his hand 
over his heart. There was a moment of absolute 
stillness, and then the entire audience gave vent to 
its feelings in one great, spontaneous outburst of 
applause. On the following Sunday we were again 
in our places, and, before the address, the Arch- 
bishop of Paris felt compelled to request the con- 
gregation to remember the sacred character of the 
place and refrain from any outward expression of 
approval. But such was the eloquence of Lacor- 
daire in pursuing the same theme, that ere long 
the Archbishop himself was betrayed into an 



4o 21 Sours pilgrimage 

unconscious clapping of hands, which was just 
enough to lift an irksome restraint from an audience 
hardly able to suppress its feelings. 

Comparing the eloquence of Lacordaire with that 
of de Ravignan, I do not know of a better descrip- 
tion than that which was given by my friend, Abbe 
Castan, one Sunday when we were returning from 
a sermon by the distinguished Jesuit. We had 
been talking together of the rare talents of these 
two men, and I asked what impressions were made 
upon him by their preaching. " When I have 
heard Lacordaire," he replied, " I feel inclined to 
throw myself on his neck ; when I have heard de 
Ravignan, I feel inclined to throw myself at his 
feet." Excellent appreciation ! Lacordaire, in 
preaching, endeavored to make his hearers love 
religion ; de Ravignan taught them to revere it. 

To hear these men was a great privilege, to know 
them personally was even a greater. For then it 
became apparent that it was the choice personal- 
ity of each, and not the gifts of speech alone, 
which was the real source of their power. Look- 
ing back over the past, I have good reason to 
value every occasion which brought me into con- 
tact with them. 

Any account of my experience in Paris would be 
incomplete without a word about my particular 
friends, whose companionship was one of the 



1fn IPatte 41 



choicest joys and sweetest satisfactions of my life 
in that great city. The first, PAbbe Castan, I have 
already alluded to. A young man of rare accom- 
plishments and charming personality ; a nephew of 
the Archbishop of Paris, and his private secretary, 
as well as honorary Canon of Paris. Our friendship 
was most intimate, and many of the happiest expe- 
riences we enjoyed together. My other friend was 
M. Olivaint, who had been professor of Philosophy 
at the College Bourbon, and, in matters religious, 
was a sceptic. Later he became a Christian and 
left his position to take the post of preceptor in the 
family of the Duke de la Rochefoucault. The fact 
that our pupils were friends, brought us often 
together, and it was not long before our acquain- 
tance ripened into warm friendship. Like many 
others who have accepted the religion of Jesus 
after years of unbelief, Olivaint became a Christian 
in deed, as well as in name. To him religion was 
a reality — a life, as well as a creed. In many ways 
he revealed the depth of his religious life. One day, 
I remember, at the beginning of vacation when we 
were about to separate for a time and were making 
our adieux to each other, he made this remark 
(truly characteristic of him) : " And what are we 
going to do, in order that after our absence we 
may find ourselves better men than we are to-day ? 
for there is no holiday in the Christian career." 



42 B Soul's UMigrimage 

Another characteristic of this man which revealed 
his true nature, appeared from a glimpse he gave 
me of the habits of his mind. In the princely 
house where he lived, the family frequently enter- 
tained on an elaborate scale. Often he found him- 
self at table side by side with pretentious persons 
who had little attention to bestow upon a precep- 
tor. "What do you do," I asked him, "to over- 
come the tedium of these prolonged ceremonial 
dinners?" " I imagine," he replied, " that I have 
for my neighbor my Divine Master, I converse with 
Him, and I assure you the hours are full of charm, 
and the time passes most agreeably." 

Some years later, M. Olivaint entered the Order 
of the Jesuits and became superior of one of their 
houses in Paris. He died in 1 871, a victim of the 
Commune. 

My sojourn in Paris might have continued 
indefinitely had it not been for the unforeseen gen- 
erosity of an English lady who, though a member 
of the Anglican communion, showed herself a 
friend in deed. She had chanced to hear me 
preach at La Madeleine, and the next day sent me 
a letter asking if I could recommend a French 
teacher for her two young cousins. I found her 
such a governess as she desired, and to prove her 
gratitude for this trilling favor, she invited me to 
dine. I accepted, and ere long a warm friendship 



Hn Hearts 43 



sprang up between us. In the course of our 
acquaintance she discovered what it was that kept 
me back from devoting myself exclusively to the 
work of ministry. She immediately proposed to 
see to it personally that the funds were furnished 
to provide for the education of my brothers and 
my sisters, and was so persistent and sincere in her 
offer that I finally consented. Certainly in my 
short religious career I had ample reason to believe 
in two things : the goodness of God, and the nobil- 
ity of those who have given themselves to his 
service. 



CHAPTER IV. 

LONDON. 

AT this time, the accession to our ranks of John 
Henry Newman and other distinguished 
members of the Anglican communion, inspired the 
champions of Romanism in France with the belief 
that England was ripe for papacy. Frequent 
meetings were held among us, and our enthusiasm 
and zeal for this great end was heightened. I was 
free at this time to do as I pleased, and being 
deeply moved by the bright prospects before our 
Church in Great Britain, I determined to give 
myself to the work of conversion, and to devote 
my energies to an enterprise which seemed 
destined to contribute so largely to the glory and 
the power of the Holy See. 

My friends were most cordial in their approval 
of this resolve, and in many happy ways expressed 
an interest in the step I was about to take. Some 
of the sweetest evidences of their regard were the 
books and other gifts they bestowed upon me ; 
among others, a very tender souvenir from 
Charles, then Abbe, Gounod. On the evening 



Xonfcon 45 



before my departure, this charming man brought 
me his surplice, beretta and other personal belong- 
ings. These were the more precious to me since, 
shortly after this, Gounod gave up the idea of 
following the sacred ministry, in order to devote 
himself without reserve to that noble art which 
has made his name immortal. 

Arriving in London, I set out immediately to 
report myself to Cardinal Wiseman for such 
service as he should think me fitted to undertake. 
As I had not yet learned to speak English plainly, 
it was arranged that I should preach as occasion 
offered at the French church of this great capital, 
and on Sundays celebrate the military mass at 
Woolwich for the Roman Catholic soldiers of the 
garrison. It was not long before my familiarity 
with English increased, and His Eminence was 
able to transfer me to the charge of the Catholic 
mission recently established at Canterbury. Here 
I preached my first English sermons. An incident 
happened during my sojourn here which is still 
fresh in my mind. My hostess was the lady who 
had founded the Roman Catholic mission. Her 
near neighbors were two nieces of Sir Walter 
Scott, women of culture and refinement. Although 
these ladies were Protestants, they passed many 
an evening with my friend, and took a lively 
interest in the object of my mission in England. 



46 % Sours pilgrimage 

One day they invited me to join them in a visit 
to the great English cathedral. Upon arriving at 
a certain part of the sanctuary, " It was here," 
said one of them, pointing to a spot before us, 
"that Thomas a Becket was put to death." 
Now, to me, Thomas a Becket was an illustrious 
martyr, St. Thomas of Canterbury, and it was in 
obedience to an actual feeling of reverence that I 
fell instinctively upon my knees on the spot. 
When I arose, after some moments of silent 
prayer, I found my companions strangely im- 
pressed by this simple and spontaneous act. That 
it moved them more deeply than I at first 
imagined, I am led to believe, from the fact that 
in later years they both became members of the 
Roman Communion ! 

From Canterbury I was sent to Kingston, on 
the Thames, to officiate in a beautiful church built 
there by a converted Jew. It is the same chapel 
in which the marriage of the Princess Helen of 
Orleans with the Duke of Aosta took place not 
long since. Kingston is within easy distance of 
Claremont, the royal residence which the Queen of 
England placed at the disposal of the dethroned 
King of France, Louis Philippe. By special invi- 
tation I had the high honor to visit there the noble 
Queen, Marie Amelie, and to receive from her later 
an exquisite set of sacerdotal vestments for the feast 



XonDon 



of the Assumption, as a token of her interest in my 
work. I saw Her Majesty after this, on several 
occasions, and was privileged to assist at the cere- 
mony of the first communion of her grandson, the 
Comte de Paris. 

From Kingston, I was sent to inaugurate a 
mission at Chichester. There was no chapel at our 
disposal in this place, so the services were in the 
salon of a devout Romanist, a friend of the cardi- 
nal. In this humble way the work of conversion 
was begun in this ancient city. As these new-born 
missions only required my presence on Sunday and 
two or three days of each week, I was able to 
spend the rest of my time in London in works 
tending toward the attainment of my first object. 
One of the most attractive and engrossing of 
these was the delivery of a course of fifty lectures 
on Church History at the house of Lord Granville. 
Lady Granville, herself a Roman Catholic, hoped by 
this means to strengthen the cause of Rome among 
the more influential residents of the metropolis. To 
this end, she assembled at her house on these occa- 
sions many Catholic ladies belonging to the aristo- 
cratic circle, among whom, I remember, was her 
mother, the Duchess D'Alberg ; Lady Georgina 
Fullerton, her sister-in-law, a late convert ; the 
Countess Grey, as well as a number of others. 
A chapel where I liked to worship from time to 



43 B Soul's jpilgrimage 

time was that of the Oratorians. These men, pre- 
vious to their conversion, had all been Anglican 
ecclesiastics, and had made their classical and 
clerical studies at Oxford, where they were widely 
known for their piety and scholarship. The 
Church of Rome had good reason to be proud of 
such recruits, and fully realized the benefit that 
had been conferred upon the cause of propaganda 
by their accession. The most celebrated was 
Father, afterwards Cardinal, Newman. Father 
Faber and Father Dahlgrens, with whom I had 
frequent and agreeable interviews, were also re- 
markable men. Father Newman was at the head 
of the establishment, and greatly esteemed both as 
a priest and a preacher. In this last particular I 
have reason to believe that he did not always come 
up to his reputation. It was announced that on 
Holy Thursday he would preach on the Eucharist, 
The Church could not contain the numbers who 
had come to hear him. Cardinal Wiseman was 
there with his secretary, and instead of sitting in 
his throne, occupied a place in the first row of 
seats, in order to see and hear the preacher the 
better. Everyone was prepared for a great utter- 
ance, in keeping with the day and the solemn sub- 
ject of the discourse. For one, I was disappointed. 
For the preacher, in giving a description of the 
circumstances connected with the Last Supper, 



Xonfcon 49 



chose to portray it, not according to the Gospels, 
but according to the revelation of St. Bridget. In 
the most serious manner the form of the table was 
described, the place which each of the disciples 
occupied, the shape and position of the dishes and 
vases, etc., etc., and all this detail was told in the 
confident manner of one who was narrating historic 
facts. I do not believe it would have been possible 
to find in France a serious preacher, with a respect 
for his audience, capable of giving them such an 
instruction. How a man so able and scholarly as 
Father Newman undoubtedly was could have been 
betrayed into it, is beyond my comprehension. 

England until now had been looked upon as a 
missionary territory by the Latin Church, and as 
was the custom in all countries of this character, 
the Roman authority was represented, not by 
bishops, but by apostolic vicars of whom at this 
time there were four. In the year 1850 Pius IX, 
supposing from the reports made to him, that the 
Isle of Saints was about to return to Romanism, 
divided the country into Catholic provinces and 
appointed a bishop at the head of each. This bold 
act on the part of a foreign prelate aroused the 
indignation of the English people, and provoked 
wide-spread and violent opposition. Every even- 
ing the streets of London were thronged with long 
and noisy processions, in which the Pope was 



5° B Sours IMlstimaae 

carried about in effigy and subjected to all manner 
of insult. I suffered more than I can say from this 
blasphemous abuse, as it seemed to me, of the 
Head of our Holy Religion — the highest repre- 
sentative of Christ — and I felt it my duty to pro- 
test, no matter how insignificant my protestation 
might be. Accordingly, I published successively, 
two tracts in favor of the papacy, entitled "Rome 
and the Holy Scriptures " and " Rome and the 
Primitive Church," with the hope that some Prot- 
estant minds might see, perchance, the grounds of 
our claims and the justice of the step taken by His 
Holiness, Pius IX. 

These publications attracted more notice than I 
could have hoped for. In the Catholic press they 
were heralded as timely utterances, and were 
spoken of as logical and conclusive arguments in 
favor of the papal supremacy. The Catholic 
Standard gave considerable space to their review, 
and the Catholic Vindicator, in concluding its criti- 
cism of them, said, " The proofs are numerous and 
overwhelming. To disprove them would require 
even a sounder head and a stouter heart than 
those possessed by the chivalrous Cummings, and 
the redoubtable Hugh McNeil." The Rev. Father 
Brownbill, Superior of the House of the Jesuits in 
London, wrote me, on receiving the second pam- 
phlet : " I beg to offer you my many and sincere 



XonOon 



thanks for the pamphlet I have had the pleasure 
of receiving from you to-day. I have read it with 
great satisfaction. I hope many will peruse it, as 
it is well calculated to instruct and enlighten those 
who think so wrongly on the subject of which it 
treats." 

But above all other opinions, I appreciated that 
expressed in the following letter : 

" I received with true pleasure your pamphlets 
and your good letters, my dear Abbe ; I thank 
you with all my heart. God has truly made you 
an Apostle of England. Continue and spread the 
good news. I admire the manner in which you 
are able to write and speak in English. The 
remembrance of you, be sure of it, remains faithful 
in the depths of my soul. Au revoir, then, till it 
please the Lord. Believe in my very tender 
attachment, 

" de Ravignan, S. J. 

"Paris, 2 1 st February, 1851." 

The Protestant journals whose attention was 
excited by these pamphlets, of course judged them 
differently. One amongst them, Bell's Weekly 
Messenger, published a series of articles in which 
the scriptural texts and historic references were 
the object of severe criticism. The author of 



B Sours pilgrimage 



these articles, Mr. Charles Hastings Collette, one 
of the glories of Oxford, and a man deeply versed 
in the writings of the Fathers, as well as the his- 
tory of the first Christian ages, announced to me 
his intention, in a polite letter, in which he gave 
me entire credit for sincerity, of pointing out that 
the facts upon which my arguments were founded 
were either fabrications or else falsely stated. 
Sure of having advanced only those points which 
conform to the teaching of the most esteemed 
authors of Catholic history, and acting besides 
under the impression which prevails among 
Roman Catholics, namely, that honesty is not to 
be expected from Protestants in a religious con- 
troversy, I did not feel it my duty to reply to his 
very civil note. My silence did not seem to dis- 
courage him, for in the course of a few days he 
wrote me four other letters, which in turn failed to 
elicit a reply. 

One morning, I heard a knock at the door of 
the house where I lived, and as the servant was 
absent, I went to open the door. I found myself 
face to face with a gentleman of distinguished 
appearance, who handed me his card, and to my 
astonishment I read the name of my correspondent 
and adversary, "Charles Hastings Collette." Com- 
mon courtesy obliged me to receive him. Without 
ado, he announced the purpose of his visit by 



XonDon 53 



repeating in a decided voice what he had written, 
declaring that he had perfect faith in my sincerity, 
that the pamphlets were marked with a stamp of 
honesty, and that had it been otherwise he would 
have disdained any dealings with me. Then he 
stated that he was ready to prove to me that I had 
been mistaken in many of the texts quoted and of 
the facts submitted in my argument. " Without 
doubt," he said, " you have drawn your knowledge 
from the most estimable sources known to you. 
But these sources are far too modern. I ask you 
but one thing and that, as a man of honor, which 
I take you to be, you cannot honestly refuse me. 
It is to consult not Protestant books, but the writ- 
ings of Catholics of an earlier date than the Coun- 
cil of Trent, of whose authenticity and authority 
there can be no question. To this effect, I pray 
you to make conscientious researches in the 
library of the British Museum, where such docu- 
ments abound. I shall secure you the necessary 
permission to consult these works, and as the 
librarian is my friend, I shall ask him to help you 
in your investigations, and we shall see what con-' 
elusions such a study will lead to." 

By refusing to accede to such a request, I should 
have given proof of a want of love for truth, and 
so sure was I of my ground and the historical 
validity of my argument, that I did not hesitate to 



54 % Soul'e jpitanmaae 

accede to the wish of this ardent and courte- 
ous opponent. For a fortnight I spent all of 
my afternoons in searching those books which 
could enlighten me on so grave a subject* 
By faithful study, I was able to compare the 
facts as I had been taught them, with the facts 
as the early Church historians stated them. The 
result of this investigation was as painful to me as 
it was satisfactory to Mr. Collette. On all the con- 
tested points I found that the weight of authority 
was against my position. I shall quote but one of 
these, but that one will be decisive. 

Among all the treatises on Dogmatic Theology 
in use in my day in the high seminaries of the 
Church, the one most esteemed was the work of 
Cardinal Gousset, perhaps the greatest Roman 
theologian of the century. In this work the sixth 
canon of the Council of Nice (A.D. 325) is thus 
written : 

" Ecclesia Romana semper habuit priinatum" 
From this pretended canon one draws irresisti- 
ble conclusions. That the first ecumenical coun- 
cil, although composed almost exclusively of 
bishops from the East, who would naturally look 
with jealousy upon the growing influence of the 
See of Rome, should have found itself obliged to 
witness to the truth of her supremacy by a 
special canon, declaring that from the beginning 



Xonfcon 55 



Rome had had the primacy, surely no more posi- 
tive assertion could be made of the fact which 
Protestant historians repudiated so decidedly. 

Resting secure upon my knowledge of this 
canon, I was almost stunned to find that the orig- 
inal form of the canon, as enacted by the Council, 
was quite different from that which I had been 
taught. The sixth canon simply states that Rome 
had a relative primacy. The plan before the Coun- 
cil was to transform the See of Alexandria into a 
patriarchate, and so the canon states. As the 
Bishop of Rome has the primacy over the bishops 
of the suburban cities, in the same way it is fitting 
that the Bishop of Alexandria should occupy a 
similar rank with regard to the bishops of Lower 
Egypt. Manifestly, the part that had been sup- 
pressed in our manuals put an entirely different 
complexion upon the subject. 

This discovery, and others like it, came to me 
as a severe shock. I requested the librarian to 
permit me to carry away and keep until the next 
day the collection of the Acts of Councils where I 
had found the canons in their original integrity. 
He consented, and I lost no time in finding Car- 
dinal Wiseman. I asked him if there was any 
doubt of the authenticity of the sixth canon of 
Nice, as it is given in our manuals of theology. 
" None that I know of," he replied. I then showed 



56 n Semi's ftMlerimage 

him my volume and said, " It is a Catholic publi- 
cation, old, it is true, but only the more to be 
trusted on that account. Here are the terms in 
which the sixth canon is expressed." His Emi- 
nence appeared very much astonished, and as he 
perceived that I suffered from something more 
than astonishment, he advised me not to attach too 
much importance to the matter. I left him to call 
upon the Jesuits, but my interview with my 
spiritual director, Father Brownbill, gave me no 
more satisfaction than that with the Cardinal. For 
the first time in my life, I found myself in a pecu- 
liarly painful state of mind — assailed by doubt and 
with no friend to turn to. 

Now, to entertain doubt is regarded as one of 
the greatest sins by the Roman Church — a species 
of interior apostasy to be dealt with in the most 
rigorous w T ay ; and as in the teachings of the mas- 
ters of the spiritual life, there is, in the tempations 



Here is the Sixth Canon of the Council of Nice : 

Title: De patriarcha Magnae Alexandriae. 

Ut toti prsesideat ^Egypto, ejusque provinciis, quem- 
admodum Romanus et Antiochenus. 

Episcopus ^Egypti, nimirum Magnae Alexandriae 
patriarcha, toti prsesideat ^Egypto et omnibus ejus provinciis 
adjacentibusque civitatibus eis subjectis, quoniam ita con- 
venit Episcopo Romano, nempe patriarchae successori 
Petri, ut praesideat etiam omnibus suis provinciis et regioni- 



XonDon 57 



against faith, as in those against purity, one sole 
remedy — flight : after a long interior struggle, I 
determined to fly, and to have nothing more to do 
with Protestants, to avoid all matters of contro- 
versy, and to devote myself exclusively to works 
of zeal in Catholic countries. 



bus quae ei subjectae sunt. Pariter Episcopus Antiochiae 
nempe patriarcha ejus praesideat omnibus provinciis et 
regionibus ei subjectis. In aliis regionibus antiquus 
servetur mos ecclesiae, nimirum quod in proeterito consti- 
tutum et servatum est. 



CHAPTER V. 

FIAT LUX ! 

THE times were favorable for this purpose. 
The Secular Jubilee was about to be cele- 
brated in France by missions in the leading 
churches. I had been invited to take part in sev- 
eral of these missions as preacher and confessor. 
This now appeared to me providential, the more 
so as the subjects treated in the pulpit on such 
occasions, sin, repentance, death, judgment, etc., 
are almost strangers to controversy. I accepted 
my invitations, therefore, with a kind of desperate 
gratitude, and during more than two months passed 
each day part of my time in the pulpit and con- 
fessional. 

The time came when, although I had still many 
engagements, I found myself completely worn out 
and forced to think of rest. But the rest that my 
mind craved I could not find. More than ever, 
from the moment I began to reflect, doubt assailed 
me. It was there, always present and active in my 
thoughts ; try as I would to turn my mind into 
other channels, I could not get beyond the reach 



3F iat Xur ! 59 



of its persistent demands for a hearing. Then it was 
that the course which until that day had seemed 
condemnable, now appeared obligatory. Without 
enlightening any one as to what was passing 
within me, I resolved to make a serious and can- 
did examination of my faith as a Roman Catholic. 
I entered upon this examination by an inde- 
pendent and careful study of the New Testament. 
I had read the books through so often that I could 
recite from memory many of their principal pas- 
sages ; but this reading had in view personal 
edification rather than instruction and doctrinal 
criticism. Now I approached the sacred writings 
to be enlightened in a new and broader way — to 
learn from the lips of the Divine Master of the 
nature of that kingdom He had come to establish. 
As I advanced in a reverent study of His teach- 
ings, they appeared more and more unlike the 
claims of His vicar. There, not one of the doc- 
trines upon which Rome lays especial stress and 
upon the acceptance of which she makes salvation 
depend, was found to have a warrant in the teach- 
ings of Jesus. On the contrary, the spirit of the 
Master, divinely simple and sublimely humble, 
appeared in striking contrast with the presumption 
of those who count themselves His only legitimate 
successors. The character of Christ and the char- 
acter of this proud Church — how far apart and 



60 a Sours pilgrimage 

how widely different ! My studies began to force 
me to irresistible conclusions. At the turn of each 
new page I seemed to be driven further and further 
away from my original position. At length, my self- 
imposed task came to an end, leaving me with the 
painful knowledge that the teachings of the Church 
of which I was a member were strangely out of 
accord with the plain and evident truths of Holy 
Writ. 

After that, recalling the saying of the sage that the 
best writings on religion were those forbidden by 
the Congregation of the Index, I allowed myself to 
pass over this interdiction, and, among other works, 
I read with a lively interest "L'Histoire de la 
Civilisation en Europe et en France," by M. 
Guizot. The manifest spirit of sincerity, the 
largeness of view, the historical science which this 
work reveals impressed me so deeply and pro- 
duced such a change in my manner of appreciating 
things, that I felt sure its talented author could 
help me in my present dilemma. To unburden 
myself to this great man, might seem to him a 
strange tribute to his genius ; yet, so deep was my 
longing for counsel and guidance just at this time, 
that I felt such a course was justifiable, and 
believed that he would not take my confidence 
amiss. Accordingly, I addressed the following 
letter to M. Guizot : 



tffatXur! 6 1 



"To M. Guizot — 

"Sir: Another than you might find the step 
now taken by the most unknown of your admirers 
indiscreet and daring. The dignity of your char- 
acter and the elevation of your thoughts are pre- 
cisely what render me bold and furnish me with an 
excuse ; and I dare promise myself that you will 
find this letter an indisputable testimony of the 
confidence that great talents in a great soul can 
inspire. I have read and re-read, sir, your history 
of civilization in Europe and in France. I need 
not say that the study of this immortal work has 
enchanted me as it has so many others, nor is it 
with this design that I trace these lines. It is 
confidences and not compliments that I take the 
liberty of making you. 

"Then, sir, the historical science which your book 
reveals, the stamp of moderation and sincerity 
which mark its pages have impressed me vividly, 
and, to confess it candidly, have, together with 
similar studies along analogous lines, confirmed 
me in a grave condition of doubt, by which my 
mind is deeply distressed. What is doubt to my 
ignorance, must be certainty to such a mind as 
yours ; otherwise one must despair of a positive 
knowledge of religious truth here below. I come, 
then, to pray you, in the name of that large charity 
with which I know you to be animated, to be so 



62 b Sours pilgrimage 

good as to say one word which may prove a ray 
of light to me, and show me the path to follow in 
the crisis in which my soul now finds itself. Here 
is my question, put as briefly as possible : Do you 
think that the claims of the Church of Rome, to be 
the sole, legitimate and infallible interpreter of the 
doctrines of the* Saviour, are both historical and 
evangelical ? In other words : Do you think that 
a true disciple of Christ ought to be Roman Cath- 
olic rather than Protestant ? 

"You are the first and only person to whom I 
have opened my heart on this subject, and upon 
the answer which you will deign to give to this 
entirely confidential letter, may depend my future. 
Anxiously awaiting your reply, I am, with deep 
respect, etc., etc." 

This was addressed simply to M. Guizot, Paris, 
and though I looked anxiously and long for an 
answer, to my deep disappointment none came. 
Whether the letter never reached its destination, 
or whether M. Guizot mistrusted its motive, I had 
no means of ascertaining. 

Not judging it opportune to take any one else 
into my confidence, I resolved to think and act for 
myself and on my own responsibility. The more 
I studied and reflected, the more my faith in the 
fundamental doctrines of Romanism weakened, 
and I felt that before long not only my opinions 



3ftat Xux ! 63 



but also my conscience would impose upon me 
the duty of abjuration. 

As such a step on my part could not but bring 
me personally the gravest consequences, deeply 
afflict my best friends, and, worst of all, carry deso- 
lation into the bosom of my family, I felt bound to 
make a last effort by going to Rome and studying 
the system on the spot, in its immediate appli- 
cation. 

As I had not revealed to any of my friends 
what was passing within me, when they learned 
that I was preparing to go to the seat of the 
Roman Church, they entirely misinterpreted the 
object of this journey and congratulated me on 
my resolution. Several prelates, the Cardinal 
Archbishop of Besancon among them, sent me 
letters of recommendation of the most flattering 
kind. All supposed I was about to make what is 
called a pilgrimage ad limina apostolonim. They 
had a natural reason for believing this, as they 
were aware I had received from the Vatican 
special privileges and more recently had been 
extended the widest powers in the matter of indul- 
gences such as the " Altare privilegiatum per- 
sonate" of which I have the titles still in my pos- 
session. 

In my unsettled condition of mind, it did not 
seem to me the time to express my fears and 



64 B Sours pilgrimage 

apprehensions, but before setting out upon a path 
full of trials and uncertainties, I took occasion to 
give from the pulpit an open declaration of the 
manner in which I then understood the religion of 
Jesus. This was the last sermon which I pro- 
nounced before a Roman Catholic assembly, and 
as it reveals my personal appreciation of Chris- 
tianity at this time, an abstract is here given : 

There is a duty founded on nature and imposed 
by religion, which embraces all others, the faithful 
fulfillment of which would make of all nations one 
great family and would be for each of us the prin- 
ciple of the highest virtues and the source of the 
sweetest enjoyments ; a duty, on the other hand, 
from the violations of which proceed all the 
envyings, all the hatreds, all the crimes which 
devastate the world ; — this duty, so important and 
so much ignored, is that of Brotherly Love. I 
shall speak to you of it this morning, my brothers, 
at this last of our meetings. 

To-day, after the example of our Divine Lord, I 
have come to say at the moment of leaving you : 
This is my earnest wish, my parting request, that 
you love one another. 

We must acknowledge this heavenly doctrine of 
fraternal love, though founded on the most press- 
ing wants of the heart and expressing its noblest 



3ffat Xur ! 65 



aspirations, as a distinctly new doctrine. Before 
our Saviour came to declare it, human society was 
divided into two great classes, the one looking with 
hatred and suspicion on the other. A thousand 
distinctions created by pride caused an immense 
chasm between hearts. To bridge this abyss, to 
obliterate all false distinctions between classes and 
conditions of men, the Divine One came with the 
Gospel of universal love : His own peculiar Gos- 
pel, a new commandment, as He calls it, because 
only fully brought to light by the character of His 
life and the purity of His precepts. 

O, turn again to contemplate the greatness of 
that divine love which inspired the Redeemer's 
soul, happy earth which He moistened with His 
sweat, ungrateful Jerusalem over which He shed 
His tears, guilty Magdalen whose anointing He 
permitted, little children upon whom He lavished 
His tenderness, and you mothers, sisters, and deso- 
late wives whose tears He wiped, and you, infirm 
and afflicted of all sorts, whom He healed, and you, 
poor whom He honored and helped with His affec- 
tion, tell us if there has ever lived a heart more 
loving, more compassionate, more deeply con- 
cerned for the happiness of a sinning and suffering 
people. Surely it was not needed that signs from 
heaven should testify of His divinity, for the heart 
which can carry the burdens and sorrows of even 



66 h Sours pilgrimage 

the most forsaken, which can make room for the 
griefs and toils and cares of the hapless multitude, 
is filled without measure with the life and love of 
God. 

And this is the reason why He says to His 
chosen: "By this shall all men know that ye 
are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." 
The distinctive mark by which the true disciple 
is known, is the same mark by which the Master 
was known, — love. He alone who truly loves his 
brother is worthy of the honor of being called 
Christian ; it matters not what may be his name, 
his colors, his symbol. Whether he be a devout 
Catholic, a priest, a bishop or even a supreme pon- 
tiff in the Church of Christ, unless he bears on his 
heart the stamp of the Saviour's love, he is none of 
His. 

Remember, beloved, what the Samaritans were 
to the Jews, — an object of contempt and hatred 
because of their religious differences. The syna- 
gogue had anathematized them, so that to the 
chosen people their very name was an abomina- 
tion. A learned doctor once asked Jesus: "Mas- 
ter, what must I do to gain eternal life ? " The 
Master replied: "What is written in the law? 
* * * Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with 
all thy heart and thy neighbor as thyself; this do 
and thou shalt live." " But who is my neighbor ? " 



Sfiat Xtti ! 67 



the lawyer asks. My brothers, you recall the 
answer ; it was not the priest or the Levite, for they 
shamefully passed the wounded traveller by. It 
was the schismatic, the excommunicated, the hated 
Samaritan who stopped and took the bleeding man 
in his arms, pouring oil into his wounds, and set- 
ting him upon his own beast. To a neighboring 
inn he carried him and commended him to the host 
as his own brother. Nor does he leave him until 
he has provided fully for his wants. This good 
Samaritan, though a religious outcast, rejected by 
the synagogue and despised by the Jews, is he 
upon whom the Son of God looked with favor — he 
who has fulfilled the divine precept, he who will 
possess eternal life. 

And how admirably was this great lesson 
learned by the first disciples of the Master ! It is 
St. John, the one who had formerly asked that fire 
might descend from heaven to destroy these very 
Samaritans, who finally learned his Master's lesson 
so completely that he never tired of repeating 
these beautiful words : " Love one another." It 
is St. Paul who, though formerly a Pharisee of the 
strictest sect of the Jews, cried out in a sublime 
ecstacy of feeling : " Though I speak with the 
tongues of men and of angels and have not charity, 
I am become as sounding brass and a tinkling cym- 
bal." How great must have been the surprise when 



68 a Sours Mgrimage 

this new-born society of believers appeared in 
the world ! They seemed as new men who had but 
one heart and one soul, who sought no other glory 
than that of being useful, no other interest but the 
interest of all. At this spectacle men awoke and 
hearts were moved. " See how these Christians 
love one another," the pagans exclaimed, and 
those who resisted the eloquent message of the^ 
apostles, and that more eloquent still of the mar- 
tyrs, found themselves at last won over by the 
influence of a fraternity until then unknown. 

O, days of our greatness, why have you so 
quickly vanished ! Holy Religion, thou appearest 
still to reign in the world ; thy worship is beauti- 
ful, thy solemnities are imposing, thy altars are 
brilliant, but it is only the semblance of a great- 
ness and of a power that are no more ! O heavenly 
Charity, come down and reign anew in our midst, 
that hatred and envy may disappear from amongst 
those who bear the name of Christ — that we may 
at length see every veil of division swept away and 
the old barriers of pride and prejudice broken 
down — that all men everywhere may be gathered 
into one fold under one shepherd and learn anew 
the joy of worshiping God as members of one 
divine family ! O precious gift of love, come and 
fill our hearts, bring heaven down to earth again, 
so that we may pursue our course here below as 



Jfiat Xux! 69 



citizens of a heavenly kingdom ; and grant us so 
to live under thy holy inspiration, that when our 
last summons comes, we may commit our souls 
into the hands of God with the prayer : O our 
Judge, who art also our Father, forgive us as we 
have forgiven others, and let the sentence which 
shall determine our destiny be dictated by mercy 
as our own feelings and acts have been ruled by 
charity ! 



CHAPTER VI. 

IN ROME. 

IT was my intention to remain six months in the 
Holy City. Circumstances compelled me to 
leave in one month. Yet, during that brief period, 
I saw and learned enough to satisfy me that the 
Capital of the Roman world was the last place for 
one to visit in my frame of mind. It may be that 
I was not in a condition to judge impartially. 
Perhaps the temper of my thoughts was over- 
critical, too susceptible to adverse impressions. I 
had resolved, it is true, to investigate fearlessly 
and study frankly all that bore upon my religious 
position. Nevertheless every private interest, 
home-ties, the love and respect of friends, present 
position and future prospects, would naturally have 
induced me to see things in their most favorable 
light. If the facts were to lead me to separate 
from the Church of Rome, it would be only 
because the facts were too glaring and emphatic 
to be glossed over. 

I pass by the vexations to which we were sub- 
jected on arriving at Civita Vecchia at the hands 



1Fn IRome 71 



of the gendarmes, the custom's officers and the 
countless horde of faquini. Suffice it to say that 
rather than to render any useful service, the aim of 
this hungry mob seemed to be to make our way 
as unpleasant and expensive as possible. Our 
passports proved a fruitful source of revenue to 
the many who pretended to a right to examine 
them. No doubt we were found to be easy 
victims of this sort of brigandage, and I confess 
that our surprise and disgust was so great, that we 
failed to make a vigorous protest. We reached 
the Eternal City at last, poorer in pocket but 
richer in experience. 

Having settled in fairly comfortable lodgings, I 
proceeded to make myself familiar with the city. 
The churches first absorbed my attention. What 
shall I say of their dignity and splendor, their 
wealth and magnificence? What shall I say of 
the vast number of monks and priests and pre- 
lates who throng these stately buildings and 
testify to the power and prestige of this great 
Church and lend an air of grandeur to its an- 
cient seat? Certainly here the religion of Jesus 
should be at its best. Here we should find the 
purest morality and the deepest spiritual life. 
Here charity and good works, the distinctive 
marks of the disciples of Christ, should abound 
without measure. Rome should lead the world 



72 B Sours iPUsrimage 

in all that is noble and holy and gracious in 
religion. 

The pain of a bitter disenchantment was in store 
for me. I had been but a short time in the 
city when a revolting sense of the unreality of 
its religious life took possession of me. Every 
day seemed to deepen that unwelcome impression. 
I found myself going from place to place in increas- 
ing amazement at the squalor and ignorance and 
vice visible and openly present at each new turn. 
Instead of righteousness and piety and a sweet rev- 
erence among the people, coarseness and unclean- 
ness and degrading superstition. Education and 
self-respect, these choice fruits of Christianity, 
where had they concealed themselves ? On the 
one hand, the luxury of the prelates ; on the other, 
the profound misery of the people ; on this side, 
churches of surpassing stateliness ; on that, homes 
of the poor, unspeakable in their filthiness ; here, a 
cleric in gorgeous attire; there, a beggar in hideous 
and noisome rags. How could I escape the 
shameful meaning of such a contrast ! One would, 
indeed, have had to be a slave to prejudice to 
overlook this disgusting travesty of the religion of 
Him who came to preach the Gospel to the poor, 
to heal the broken hearted, to set at liberty those 
who are bruised. 

And what do these men do — this multitude of 



Hn IRome 73 



priests ? I asked myself again and again. Do they 
not see the wretched condition of the people — and 
have they no concern for the public distress and 
ignorance and immorality ? I could not discover a 
single sign of a real and genuine interest in such 
matters, nor did I learn of any organized effort to 
lift these people from their hapless plight. The 
dignitaries of the Church were occupied with other 
things. Their time was taken up with affairs of a 
more imposing nature. Resplendent ceremonies 
now at this altar, now at that ; the keeping of great 
festivals and the observance of great occasions. 
The city seemed wholly given up to idolatry and 
enamored with the spectacle of an elaborate 
worship. Even this might mean something, did it 
only inspire the people with a deeper reverence and 
regard for sacred things. But it was evident that 
even these solemn functions possessed no real 
solemnity — it was not an awe of God that held the 
crowd, but a stupid wonder and admiration of 
those gorgeously robed men who served at the 
altar. At St. Peter's, St. Jean de Latran, St. Paul 
extra Muros, Santa Trinita del Monte it was 
always the same, a wanton display of religious 
pomp and ceremonial without heart, without devo- 
tion, without any spiritual reality. 

On Christmas I attended the midnight office at 
St. Maria Maggiore. The church was dazzling with 



74 B Sours HMlgrimase 

lights and ornaments, the ceremony was most 
pretentious. Among all the princes of the Church, 
I liked the appearance of the Pope alone. His 
face was sympathetic, and he seemed embar- 
rassed by the many singular honors conferred 
upon him. 

The assembly had more the appearance of taking 
part in a worldly gathering than a religious service. 
The frivolity of the people, their free conversation, 
prevented one from believing that they were con- 
scious of being in a holy place. One is permitted 
to doubt if a single soul carried away any feeling 
of edification. 

The feast of the Epiphany found me at the Sis- 
tine Chapel. What a spectacle is that mass in the 
presence of the Pope ! The chamberlains grouped 
like dogs at the feet of their masters, the cardin- 
als ; the officiating clergy carelessly lolling on the 
altar steps in their sacerdotal vestments, during the 
preaching, turning their backs upon the cross and 
the tabernacle. Then that meaningless series of 
perfunctory honors, kissing of hands, kissing of the 
feet of the Pope, which seems to be given in lieu of 
the homage due to Christ in the Host upon the altar. 
Nothing: to remind one that this is the House of 
God. The triple pontifical crown everywhere, on 
the walls right and left, at the entrance and in the 
sanctuary, tells the story truly. It is not the 



Hn IRome 75 



cross of Christ but the crown of the Pontiff that 
these people reverence. 

I came away from this service resolved to follow 
the direction of my own conscience, cost what it 
might. It was then that an unforeseen incident 
happened which served to help me in this decision. 
I was boarding in a family whose chief religious 
devotion seemed to consist in reciting the rosary 
together in order to obtain a favorable number at the 
Tombola. These people knew that I was a priest, 
and having observed that, unlike other priests, I 
did not say the daily mass, they indicated in many 
ways that they were suspicious of my orthodoxy. 
I had reason to believe that they would not keep 
this suspicion to themselves, and so it seemed well 
to me to seek another lodging. 

Finding on the door of a house on the Piaza di 
Spagna, the notice " Chambres a louer," I entered 
and ascended the stairs to examine them. As I 
passed through the hall, my eye was caught by a 
door-plate bearing the inscription " Rev. Charles 
Baird, Chaplain of the American Legation." This 
discovery seemed to me providential. I had 
never conversed with a Protestant minister. In 
obedience to a strange impulse, I knocked and 
entered. Mr. Baird himself was within and received 
me with marked politeness. I was a stranger to 
this man, and yet I found myself in a few moments 



76 21 Sours flMlgrfmage 

explaining to him my peculiar position. His evi- 
dent sympathy and kindness inspired me to tell 
him all. And I felt more than repaid for my con- 
fidence by the affectionate and tender way he 
received it. After a few comforting and encour- 
aging words, he said : " You cannot doubt of my 
profound sympathy in the religious crisis to which 
you have been led, and I shall be happy to meet 
and talk with you again ; but it cannot be in this 
place. Everything which passes in my apartment 
is watched. Only a few weeks ago a monk, tor- 
mented as you now are by doubt, and who had 
come to confer with me two or three times, disap- 
peared. I have not heard from him or of him 
since ; and I would not be surprised if it is already 
known that you are here. Do not return to these 
rooms. I will appoint a place of meeting where 
there will not be the same risk." I promised to 
do as Mr. Baird had told me and left him my 
address. 

Some days later, as I was walking from the 
"Jesu" to the Capitol, where two streets cross, I 
was suddenly accosted by two men, who threw 
themselves upon me, and while one covered my 
mouth to prevent an outcry, the other rifled 
my pockets. I supposed my purse had been 
taken, but no, it was safe ! My portfolio, 
containing precious papers, my passport and 



1Fn IRome 77 



letters of recommendation, from the Archbishop 
of Besanc.on among them, was gone. I went 
at once to the police prefecture, hard by, and 
asked to speak to the prefect himself. I told 
him what had occurred, and he expressed surprise. 
He inquired if there was any money or money- 
order in my portfolio. I told him there was not — 
nothing but private papers and letters, valuable 
to me, but useless to any one else. Thereupon this 
worthy officer said : "If these men are ordinary 
thieves and find that its contents are of no value 
to them, they will likely bring them to us : you 
had better leave with us some little indemnity to 
pay them for their trouble." 

This affair seemed to me more serious than I 
had thought at first, and without further delay I 
sought the office of the French ambassador. 
Happily, he knew me, being, as I was, a member 
of the " Cercle Catholique." At first he seemed 
glad to see me ; but when I told him what had 
just happened, his countenance grew grave. "Al- 
low me to ask you a question," he said: " How 
do you stand from a religious point of view?" I 
thought it right to tell him frankly the reason for 
my presence in Rome. " That truly grieves me," 
he said. " You know I am a Catholic. Neverthe- 
less, in the present case, I must act as an ambas- 
sador of France. I know you to be a reputable 



73 a Sours pilgrimage 

citizen : I shall give you a new passport on this 
condition : — you must leave Rome in twenty-four 
hours. During that time I take you under my 
protection, but if you remain longer, I will not be 
responsible for the outcome." He then told me 
the experience of the Abbe Laborde who had 
been sent by the Archbishop of Paris to protest 
against the proclamation of the new dogma of 
the Immaculate Conception. Upon his arrival he 
was speedily taken in hand and shut up in the 
Chateau St. Ange. His liberation was only se- 
cured after severe threats on the part of the 
French Government. 

After leaving the ambassador with this assurance 
of protection, I went at once to Mr. Baird. " What 
has happened does not surprise me," he said, upon 
learning of my misadventure. " Well, now that 
you are in security for twenty-four hours longer, 
we can see something of you. Come to-morrow 
to our service at ten o'clock. Afterwards we shall 
breakfast together, and at one o'clock you can take 
the diligence for Civita Vecchia." I acted 
according to the desire of my new friend, in 
whom I was happy to find a true Christian gentle- 
man, and on the morrow, which was Sunday, I 
attended for the first time a Protestant service 
and that in the very centre of Romanism. Since 
my arrival in the Holy City, this was the only 



•ffn TRome 79 



occasion when I was truly edified and comforted 
by a religious service. In the simplicity and mani- 
fest sincerity of that brief period of devotion, I 
found what I had failed to find in all the pomp 
and ceremony of the great churches — an atmos- 
phere of reverence and faith, a worship of God in 
spirit and in truth. 

My last impressions before leaving the Papal 
City have been written thus : 

Jesus and His Pretended Vicar: — The Pope 
pretends to be vicar of Christ ; he is in fact the 
opposite. Jesus has said : " Learn of me, for I 
am meek and lowly of heart. I did not come to be 
served, but to serve." The Pope pretends that 
every human creature, even sovereigns, must bow 
down before him as his humblest servants. Jesus 
has said : " My kingdom is not of this world ; " 
the Pope pretends to reign over the whole world. 
Jesus never dogmatized ; the Pope formulates and 
promulgates dogmas to which every human soul 
should subscribe. On the day of his greatest 
triumph Christ entered Jerusalem mounted on an 
ass, amidst the acclamations of the poor he had 
come to evangelize ; the Pope enters St. Peter's 
carried on a magnificent throne by prelates magnifi- 
cently dressed. Jesus had not where to lay his 
head ; the Pope has for his mansion the most mag- 
nificent palace ever built, and it is not enough for 



So b Sours pilQrtmaQe 

him. Jesus never wore any crown but a crown of 
thorns ; the Pope wears on all solemn occasions a 
triple crown of gold enriched and ornamented with 
precious stones of every kind. 

And now, adieu, Rome ; adieu forever ! Where 
I go, I know not. The Master has said : " Seek 
and ye shall find ; knock, and it shall be opened 
unto you. He that cometh to me I will in no 
wise cast out. * * * Lo, I am with you always, 
unto the end of the world." 

Jesus is love ; the Pope is power, and, as in his 
pretended supreme power I can no longer see any- 
thing but a sacrilegious usurpation, to free myself 
from it becomes a sacred duty ; and in the name 
of God, for truth's sake, that duty I perform this 
ninth day of January, 1854. 



CHAPTER VII. 

IN ENGLAND AGAIN. 

SINCE the hour of my departure from Rome I 
decided to keep a daily record of my thoughts 
and experiences. This journal was destined to 
become my faithful friend and confidential com- 
panion. To its pages I committed without fear or 
reserve the reflections which engaged my mind 
from time to time, the impressions made upon me 
by my contact with men, and the ideas which 
specially interested me. Henceforth in this narra- 
tive I shall draw freely from its pages and ask my 
readers to accept what it has to tell them as not 
always the settled convictions of its author, but 
rather as the views and impressions which com- 
mended themselves to him at the time of writing. 
There are many phases in one's religious experi- 
ence, many and various shades of thought and 
opinion which one must needs pass through before 
he arrives at a stable and permanent position. If 
the ideas here to be expressed seem inconsistent 
with my attitude on the same subjects to-day, let 
it be kept in mind that they were the moods 



82 b Sours pilgrimage 

through which I passed before I reached my pres- 
ent point of view. Some will commend them- 
selves as essentially true, others as only partially 
so, yet all will represent the free and open 
thoughts of one who tried to deduce some living 
principle from the experiences which met him in 
the course of a varied and unsettled career. 

With this word of explanation, let me resume 
my story. 

January 12, 1854. 

I was standing at the bow of the steamer which 
was carrying us from Civita Vecchia to Marseilles, 
casting a last look at the States of that Church to 
which yesterday I had said good-bye forever. I 
was reviewing in my mind the eventful series of 
observations and circumstances which had so pain- 
fully affected me during my sojourn in the city 
which until then I had reverently called the Holy 
City, when a clergyman of distinguished appear- 
ance, whom I had not noticed before, approached 
me, and after a few polite words asked me, with 
the accent of a true interest, what was the subject 
of my reverie. I felt moved to tell him candidly 
the thoughts which were passing through my 
mind. "Oh, sir," said I, "you who come from 
Rome, like myself, you who seem to be an honor- 
able man, you who are a Catholic and a priest, 



1Tn BnglanD Strain 83 

have you not seen how, in Rome, in the capital of 
the Christian world, the very heart of the Church, 
have you not seen how everywhere superstition 
holds the place of religion, how the representatives 
of Him who has said, ' Learn of me, for I am 
meek and lowly in heart,' are full of pride, thirst- 
ing for power and wealth, how they over-reach 
the poor, how they have corrupted the moral 
sense of the people, how, in order to master them 
more surely, they keep them in ignorance and 
abjection? Oh, father, it is doubly sad when one 
has been brought up in the bosom of the Roman 
Church and has counted it his highest duty to 
devote himself to her service, to be obliged to 
acknowledge that he has been profoundly mis- 
taken in her character/' 

The reverend father, who did not know me, and 
could not understand the gravity of my last words, 
did not try to deny or attenuate the truth of what 
I had just said. "Yes," he replied, "I was sur- 
prised and distressed by it, and I deplore it as you 
do. Meanwhile, looking at things as we should, 
from the point of view of salvation, these poor 
Romans are not so much to be pitied. Their 
religion is little edifying, I admit, and they have 
scarcely any idea of morality ; but there remains, 
for all this, an ample compensation." " And 
what may that be?" I exclaimed. "They have 



84 B Sours UMlgrimage 

faith," he replied. Thus, in the thought of this 
good man, faith, faith alone (and what manner 
of faith !) stood for all virtues, for all that is 
good. 

I remember at this moment having heard at the 
Oratory in London the celebrated Dr. Newman 
place in the first rank among the nations, not the 
English, not the French, but these same people of 
the Roman States, for the sole reason that, while 
inferior in everything else, they excelled all others 
in faith. Yet it is precisely this sort of faith which 
is to be condemned, it is their superstitious credu- 
lity which has made them what they are. Instead 
of being the faith that saves, it is the faith that 
ruins. " Ye shall know them by their fruits," the 
Master said. A tree which bears such fruit can 
only be a corrupt tree, and having found it I have 
acted accordingly. 

January 15. 

This morning I reached Paris, which I found 
more magnificent than ever. An intoxicating city 
— no ennui is possible here. Yet its gaiety and 
brightness do not agree with my present thoughts. 
He who seeks excitement and distraction might be 
happy here ; for one who craves calm and time 
for meditation, London is better. Its fogs, the 
solidity of its people, the solitude in which one is 



tfn BnglanD again 85 

permitted to live, favor reflection and sober 
thought — I must press on to London. 

My arrival in London recalled the circumstances 
which had first inspired me to doubt the validity of 
the Roman claims. While I was not yet ready to 
inform my family and friends of the change in my 
position, it seemed to me that a duty was owing the 
gentleman whose ardent appeal had prompted me 
to begin the investigation which had finally led to 
the surrender of my faith in the Church of my 
fathers. Accordingly I addressed the following 
letter to Mr. Charles Hastings Collette : 

" London, January 27, 1854. 
"Sir: 

" You have been the first instrument made use of 
by divine Providence to open my eyes to the 
truth ; it is, therefore, right that I should inform 
you first of the happy change which has taken 
place in my ideas and in my heart. 

"I will confess that it has been hard for me to 
acknowledge, even from your very positive indi- 
cations, not that I was deceived, but that the most 
esteemed Roman theologians deceive us, or rather, 
deceive themselves. Forced to give in to evi- 
dence of the falsity of one of the principal texts 
quoted in the second pamphlet, I tried to take 
refuge in the others, which were numerous and 



86 % Sours flMlgrtmage 

seemed to me conclusive. Alas ! without much 
trouble, you have shown that they did not merit 
greater confidence than the first. 

" I then threw myself upon history. In the his- 
torical writings of the first Christian ages, I sought 
some decisive facts in favor of the primacy of the 
Bishop of Rome, that is to say, some historical 
ground for the papacy. Here also I was disap- 
pointed ! Against the few texts which have been 
rendered favorable, but which by themselves are 
insignificant or doubtful, I found a number which 
were manifestly contrary to my position. So I 
was obliged to admit that if your articles at times 
left something to be desired as to their form, in 
substance, at least, they sustained your position 
and established the validity of your argument. 
The matter of our controversy was too serious, 
and I brought too much sincerity into it, that I 
should think of defending myself by mere tricks. 

" The historical and critical inquiry to which your 
attacks led me was followed by other studies no 
less important. When I saw that the Roman pre- 
tensions could not stand up before history, I asked 
myself if they had not some solid foundation in 
the Gospels, and surely it was a great day in my 
life when, after a long mental struggle, I deter- 
mined to examine the Gospels in an open and 
independent spirit. Many times had I read the 



f n England Boatn S7 

New Testament through, but only for the sake of 
edification, and always with the determination 
never to find in the sacred text other meaning than 
that given by the Roman Church. This time I 
resolved to trust to the light of reason, aided by 
prayer. Now, sir, hardly had I scanned a few 
chapters in this spirit, when I found, with a kind of 
stupefaction, a doctrine which seemed to me the 
very condemnation of the Roman system. The 
limits of this letter do not permit me to enter into 
particulars, but I dare to challenge any one to read 
the Gospel as I have done — with an open mind and 
honest heart, seeking for and loving the truth 
above all else — and not to come to the same con- 
clusions. 

" I could have stopped there ; it seemed to me 
I had a right, with the knowledge I had already 
gained, to reject the claims of Rome. Neverthe- 
less, in order that in so grave a matter I could 
never be accused of having acted hastily, I felt it 
my duty to try a last experiment. Therefore I 
set out for Rome, with a view to judging the 
system on the spot, and in its immediate applica- 
tion. And now, sir, I speak frankly to you when 
I say that if there remains any mystery to me, it 
is to conceive how an honest man can visit Rome, 
study its religious life with an impartial mind, and 
remain a Roman Catholic. Everywhere superstition 



21 Sours pilgrimage 



usurps the place of religion ; instead of works 
of piety, one is pained and indignant to see an 
odious traffic in things called sacred, shameful 
speculations on the faith of the simple, ceremonies 
which carry one back to the days of pagan Rome, 
man receiving honors due to God alone. On the 
one hand, the arrogance and luxury of the prin- 
ces of the Church ; on the other, the ignorance 
and degradation of the people whom they have 
moulded, and in whose heart it is hard to find an 
honest and generous sentiment. 

" Sir, I only remained four weeks in Rome, and it 
was, as it proved, well for me not to have stayed 
longer. For hardly had I spent a few days there, 
before I fancied I heard sounding unceasingly in 
my ears that mysterious voice which is said to have 
been heard in the temple at Jerusalem some time 
before its ruin, ' Let us depart hence, let us 
depart hence ! ' 

" It is in the free land of Great Britain that I 
have taken refuge, and here I propose to continue 
my studies in the interest of truth, trusting the 
time may come when I shall be able to write more 
openly, in order to help my blind brothers to 
a share with me in the light of the divine grace. 

"Pray accept the expression of my grateful and 
respectful feelings. 

"C. Miel." 



Un England B^ain £9 

This letter was not designed for publication ; 
nevertheless, Mr. Collette thought it his duty to 
spread it as widely as possible, both for the good 
it might accomplish and also in my own interests. 
A French translation of it shortly reached my 
friends in France. This I learned through letters 
which came to me from all quarters. Those who 
had known me before this step, urged me to con- 
front the authors of what they called an odious 
publication, for all refused to believe what they 
had heard. "No," wrote one, whose letter lies 
before me as I write, "that must be an infamous 
calumny; you, so pious ; a priest according to God ; 
you, so devoted to the Holy Mother," etc., etc. 
"We only ridicule this story," writes another, 
" which is a Protestant calumny, and I, who know 
you so well, guarantee your Catholicity as a 
priest after God's own heart. Hasten only 
and tell us what can have given rise to 
so absurd a report." " It is impossible to tell 
you," a third says, "what a sad effect this 
fearful accusation against you has had on me. No, 
God forbid that I should believe it. 'The idea alone 
of so horrible a crime makes me shudder. This 
letter which has been attributed to you is only an 
atrocious invention. The sincerity of your faith 
and your ardor in defending it are a sure guarantee 
to us. Is it not your first duty to protest against 



9° B Soul's pilgrimage 

an imputation so odious by an article in the 
papers attesting your faithfulness to the Church 
of Rome ?" 

It is needless to say how deeply I was moved 
by these evidences of confidence on the part of my 
poor, but always dear, friends. It was the most 
painful task of my life to be obliged to disabuse 
them. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

BREAKING CLOSE TIES. 

UNABLE to answer each one in particular, 
for the number of their letters increased 
daily, I wrote a general reply which I dispatched 
to all, adding to it such further words as the letter 
of each of my correspondents particularly required. 
Here is my answer : — 

" My Very Dear Friends : — 

" It has pleased God, no doubt for my greater 
good, to call me for some time past to endure hard 
trials, but none do I more sensibly feel than the 
thought of being a source of pain to so many es- 
timable persons, who, like you, have regarded me 
with affection, and whom for my part I shall 
always love. 

"Yet, when the question is one of honor and 
conscience, should any consideration of personal 
interest or even of affection restrain us ? Is it not 
written that we must obey God rather than men ? 
This is why I could not avoid taking a step which 
I knew beforehand would not be understood by 



92 21 Sours IMlgrfmage 

the greater number, but on the contrary, would be 
severely blamed by those whose approbation is 
particularly precious to me. 

" It is true, dear friends, that I am the author of 
the letter which has so much shocked you, and 
which was reproduced and spread without my 
knowledge. It was written under the painful im- 
pression of my journey to Rome, and though I 
might to-day give it a somewhat different form, I 
would not disavow a single line of it, for all that I 
have since learned has confirmed the ideas I then 
formed. 

" I know how such a change must surprise you ; 
it surprises me more than I can say. But the 
more I reflect, the more I am forced to recognize 
God's hand in it, and at His call to sacrifice at a 
single stroke an advantageous and honorable posi- 
tion as well as a future which announced itself in 
seducing colors. I was constrained to take this 
step, even though it might weaken the affection of 
friends and the deep devotion of my parents, to 
whose comfort I have until now consecrated all 
my resources ; yes, even though it might oblige me 
to forego the affectionate embrace of my loving 
mother, whom perhaps I shall not be permitted to 
see again. 

Try to believe, my dear friends, that when one 
acts so, not by sudden impulse but by deliberate 



JBteMm Close Zics 93 

steps and after long months of reflection, never 
allowing the preoccupation of difficulties which 
await you in a new and unknown path to affect 
your motives, when your resolution is at last taken 
it must be because you feel yourself commanded to 
do it by a voice stronger than all the voices of 
nature. 

" Looking at things from the point of view of 
human honor merely, you will agree with me that 
after a labor of nearly two years, inspired by a 
pure love of truth and pursued under the eye of God 
alone, I was gradually brought to the conviction 
that the Roman institution is nothing but the work 
of men, the greatest edifice of their pride, the 
question with me was reduced to these terms : 
either lose everything human and act as an honest 
man, or save everything and live as a hypocrite. 
Heaven helping me, I chose the first part, and I 
feel convinced that in my place you would have 
acted as I did. 

" Now, if it is your wish to know particularly what 
those influences were which wrought so profound a 
change in my convictions, let me give the details 
in the same spirit of sincerity which you have been 
good enough to believe was the inspiration of my 
previous conduct. 

" You have, without doubt, not forgotten that, 
finding myself in England at the time of the 



94 H Soul's pilgrimage 

re-establishment of the Roman hierarchy, and being 
deeply moved by the anti-papal demonstrations to 
which this measure gave rise, I dared to raise my 
feeble voice in behalf of the papacy, and published 
two pamphlets, which obtained the approbation 
and praise of eminent ecclesiastics. 

" These publications were so sharply attacked by 
the opposite party, and my authorities were so 
severely criticised, that I began a more serious 
study of the writings of the Fathers, of the history 
of the Church, and especially of authentic memoirs 
of the first Christian ages. How far was I, my 
good friends, from foreseeing the results of this 
study ! What surprise, what disenchantment was 
in store for me, and also what agony when I 
learned that my chief opponent was right, and that 
the most important facts and letters produced by 
Rome in support of her pretensions have been 
invented or altered in her favor ! It was, as a conse- 
quence of this unexpected discovery, that doubt 
for the first time presented itself to my mind. 

" During several months I tried to dismiss the 
feeling by prescribed acts of faith. My labors 
were in vain ; the more I tried to draw back, the 
more doubt beset me. The power of this disturb- 
ing enemy seemed to increase with my efforts to 
conquer it. Oh ! if you but knew how cruel were 
my sufferings in this war of conscience and 



^Breaking Close Sies 95 

reason ; the means of all kinds to which I had 
recourse to find rest of mind and soul ! This was 
the cause of my sudden departure from England ; 
the reason of my retreat in a house of the Jesuits, 
where I spent six hours daily in meditation and 
prayer ; the reason of that feverish energy which 
you admired during those three months of mis- 
sionary labor. 

" Well, dear friends, all this proved in vain. 
More than ever was I beset by doubt, and, unable 
to live any longer with so importunate a guest, I 
resolved to dismiss my fears and know the truth at 
any price. I felt the moment had come to 
examine with independence and impartiality, under 
the eye of God, the foundation of my belief. 
Believing that nothing should hinder me in this 
search, I put aside the decrees of the Index and 
similar restrictions and set myself to examine 
scrupulously the monuments of history and reli- 
gious criticism in so far as they bore upon the 
legitimacy of the Church of Rome's claim to be 
the infallible and sole interpreter of Christian doc- 
trine. Oh ! what important facts I discovered, 
dear friends, which, like you, I never even 
imagined to exist ! What mysteries were cleared 
up for my poor mind which until now had been 
blindly credulous ! As I advanced in my labors, 
in the same measure the horizon of my thoughts 



96 21 Sours flMlgrimase 

seemed to enlarge. The simplest things assumed 
a new aspect, and as the reasonableness of history 
began to appear, the edifice of my former faith 
began to crumble, until at last the Roman institu- 
tion seemed to me nothing but a progressive and 
gigantic usurpation on the part of man of the 
rights and authority of God. 

" But what completed the dissipation of my illu- 
sion and proved to be the study of all others 
which was to bring me the most light, was the 
study of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Like all of 
you, I had read the New Testament through 
many times, but, like you, I had never studied it. 
I had sought in it an element of piety, but never 
a foundation of doctrine. This kind of study had 
been forbidden, as you well know, by the Church 
of which I was a minister. I now understand the 
meaning of that interdiction. Rome is afraid of 
the Bible, and for this reason she has made blind 
submission to her authority the base of faith. The 
Gospel of Jesus Christ is a living and permanent 
protest against what she teaches concerning her- 
self. If there is a message I have to give to 
you as the result of my experience, it is the same 
which was addressed to St. Augustine : Tolle et 
lege ; take and read, with open mind and sincere 
heart, read the sacred text, study it, taste it ; com- 
pare the two teachings, put both doctrines side by 



JBreafting Close tries 97 

side, that of Jesus Christ and that of the Pope, 
and then tell me in all conscience if there is any 
conformity between them, any agreement or har- 
mony possible ? You can now see that the step 
which surprised and distressed you, was not only 
a very serious one but also a matter of conscience. 
Do not imagine that I have ceased to be Roman 
in order to become sectarian. I desire to be sim- 
ply Christian in the truest sense of the word ; 
Christian according to the Gospel and according 
to the type ordained by Jesus Himself. 

" It is time, my dear friends, to bring this letter to 
a close. I have written in entire frankness. You 
will appreciate this evidence of confidence, and I 
dare hope that you will not be of those who believe 
it a duty to break off all relations with me. Write 
me all you think desirable, and upon whatever 
subject you please, no matter even if it will be 
impossible for me to agree with you. I shall 
accept your views with gratitude, without doubting 
either your sincerity or the amiability of your 
intentions. Do not fear to find in me either obsti- 
nacy or insurmountable prejudices. The truth is 
all that I seek — the idol which I love with passion, 
and to which I feel as if I could never refuse any 
sacrifice. How happy I should be, my good 
friends, if these circumstances, so little foreseen 
three years since, far from dividing our hearts or 



98 B Sours UMlsrtmage 

diminishing our affection for one another, should 
only serve to bring us new light, and provoke a 
deeper love between us. May our Lord make us 
more and more partakers of the grace and truth 
which dwell only in Him ! Let us seek Him, let 
us serve Him, let us love Him, as vying with each 
other, and let us love one another in Him and for 
Him. Those affections are blessed whose centre 
is in God and whose end is in heaven. 

" To you all and with all my heart, 

"C. MlEL." 

With the exception of my true and always loyal 
friend, M. l'Abbe Paul Perny, of whom I have 
already spoken, no one honored me with a reply to 
this letter. At this I was at first as pained as sur- 
prised. Afterwards I learned that the ecclesiastical 
authority had enjoined upon those calling them- 
selves my friends not only not to write to me, but 
never to read any letter from me. A single one 
believed that he could be exempt from this order, 
and sought to win me back by making the follow- 
ing appeal to my filial love : " Your family, for- 
merly so happy and so proud of you, is now 
plunged into a humiliation and desolation which 
nothing can equal. Your sisters cease not to 
weep ; your father, at the first news of the fatal 
defection, in a fit of passion, seized the frame, which 



JSreaftfng Close fttes 99 

you remember and which you so much valued, 
that contained the official document of extra- 
ordinary powers given you by the Pope and signed 
by his own hand, and trampled it to pieces. The 
state of your mother is precarious, and makes 
one's heart bleed. She remains constantly on her 
knees, trembling and asking pardon for you * * " 

Needless to say, this touched the most sensitive 
chord, and plunged me into a state of mind border- 
ing on despair. 

What can I do then, O my God, to soften the 
bitter grief with which I have filled the hearts of 
those who love me so tenderly ? Ah ! if my con- 
science would permit me to accede to their wishes ; 
if, at least, they could read my heart ! How can I 
tell them so that they can understand me ? My 
most affectionate letters are more of a torture than 
a consolation to them. What a position! Here, 
not one person who cares enough for me to tempt 
me to unburden my soul, and at home, the despair 
of those who have until now regarded me with so 
deep and so tender an affection. 

O my God, behold me at thy feet alone before 
Thee. I have none but Thee, O Lord. My mind, 
my heart, my soul, all my being thirsts for Thee. 
Let no sacrifice be too great to keep me from 
Thee. Be my refuge and defence. Forget my 
unfaithfulness without measure, and only think of 



B Sours flMlgrtmage 



thy mercy. It seems to me that I am resolved to 
refuse Thee nothing, but if I am the prey to some 
illusion, if in thy justice Thou hast punished my 
prevarication and my pride by the blindness of my 
mind, O my God, O my Father, pardon ! grace ! 
I deplore all my wanderings, those I know and 
those I know not of. I reproach myself in bitter- 
ness for the ill use which I have made of thy 
favors, so precious and so many. Lord, forget the 
past ; teach me what I must do for Thee, for truth, 
for the greater good of my soul. And if, as they 
imagine, it is pride or some secret sin which holds 
me under its dark empire, O my Father, make me 
humble and little before Thee ; help me to shake 
off the yoke of error and all seduction. Some of 
thy most zealous servants are ashamed of me. 
Let my conduct testify that I have had in view 
only the accomplishment of thy holy will. Let 
me live to be forever wholly thine ! 



CHAPTER IX. 

NEW FRIENDS. 

IT was my desire and intention while in London 
to continue my studies in the pursuit of reli- 
gious truth. Here I had begun my investigation, 
and here I believed I could carry it on to a point 
where I might feel measurably certain of myself 
from a religious point of view. But it was not 
long before I discovered that my mind was in no 
condition to follow such a course. The trying 
experience of the past months had left their mark 
upon me. But more than this, the thought of this 
gigantic Roman institution, which I had vener- 
ated and served as divine with all the ardor of my 
soul, and which at last appeared as a huge impos- 
ture, seemed to overwhelm me and haunted my 
mind like a painful vision from which I could 
withdraw neither my eyes nor my thoughts. I 
did not realize then that many years would elapse 
before this intense reaction in thought and feeling 
could be entirely obliterated. 

Meanwhile it was necessary to find an occupa- 
tion, and in this I was generously aided by my 



102 % Sours UMlgrlmacje 

former opponent in controversy, Mr. Charles 
Hastings Collette. Under his auspices, I made 
the acquaintance of many excellent people, chief 
among them the Hon. John MacGregor, author 
of "The Voyage Alone in the Yawl Rob 
Roy," etc. Mr. MacGregor will be remem- 
bered as a pioneer in philanthropic work among 
the homeless boys of London. My introduc- 
tion to him was also my first experience of 
a phase of Protestantism of which until then 
I had been wholly ignorant. To one who had 
thought works of zeal and charity limited almost 
exclusively to the Roman Church, it came as a 
kind of revelation to find in Protestant London 
eighteen hundred devoted men and women giving 
to the poor religious and primary instruction simply 
for the good of the thing and without the hope 
of material advantage. The work of the Savoyards 
in Paris, and that of the Society of St. Vincent de 
Paule cannot surpass this in fervor and benevolence. 
It was my good fortune to meet also about this 
time the Rev. Dr. Carpenter, of Manchester, after- 
wards Bishop of Sodor and Man. At his invita- 
tion, I spent several weeks in his city and was fre- 
quently in his charming company. Had circum- 
stances favored it, I might have continued there, 
simply in order to remain in communion with 
such a truly Christian mind. 



IHew 3FrienDs 103 



Determined, however, not to accept any favor 
which might be offered in consideration of my 
present state of mind, I resolved to act indepen- 
dently, and had already settled upon teaching as 
my vocation and French literature as my subject. 
Under the advice of my new friends, I decided 
upon Dublin as a more fruitful field for such 
employment than overcrowded London. Accord- 
ingly, well supplied with letters, I set out for that 
city. 

My experience in Dublin was most encouraging. 
From the first, Archbishop Whately honored me 
with his friendship and kindly patronage. A man 
of higher cultivation and less pretension, it has 
not been my pleasure to meet. A frequent visitor 
and guest, I had abundant opportunity to enjoy 
his conversation and profit by his broad learning 
and large experience. His books, copies of which 
he gave me, won my admiration by their literary 
purity, but above all by the liberal views expressed 
in them. 

Under the patronage of Dr. Whately and such 
excellent people as Lady Macgregor, Sir Benja- 
min Guiness and many others, it was not long 
before my literary conferences had an assured 
success. The first was given in the Royal Irish 
Academy, but for the second it was necessary to 
find a larger hall. Fortune seemed to smile upon 



104 21 Sours BMlgrtmage 

my little enterprise, and as far as my temporal 
needs were concerned, I felt secure against the 
future. 

Yet, strange as it may seem, this did not satisfy 
me. A constrained feeling had begun to take 
possession of me, suggested by a fear lest the 
obligations I was under to my new friends should 
lead me to take a step I was not prepared to 
make. I was not willing to compromise my 
liberty by a course which might permit any one to 
believe that they had a claim upon me. Nor, on 
the other hand, was I disposed to pose as a possi- 
ble candidate for denominationalism, ready to 
accede to the most favorable inducement. This 
fear was not altogether ungrounded, notwithstand- 
ing at the time I may have magnified it, and the 
thought that I might be occupying a false position 
made me restless. Rather than be the object of 
attentions which might eventually prompt me to 
abridge my religious freedom, I determined to 
adventure into a new field. 

The following selections from my journal express 
more intimately my feelings at the time : 

June, 1854. 

Here I am in Dublin. Nowhere have I found 
such religious agitation. The celebrated Gavazzi is 
here. I have received this morning an invitation 



fllew JfrtenDs 105 



to meet and dine with him. I have declined. That 
man does not suit me. I heard him a few weeks 
ago at Exeter Hall, where he was giving a lecture 
on the papacy. His language, loaded with invec- 
tives, is that of hatred. His object seemed to be 
to excite the malice and prejudice of those who 
listen to him. No, Christ is not there. But He 
is somewhere else. A very different type of man 
interests himself in Roman Catholics here, but in a 
spirit of true charity : the Rev. Mr. Dallas, a navy 
captain formerly, and lately ordained to the Angli- 
can ministry. He now devotes himself entirely to 
the evangelization of those who do not any longer 
believe in Rome. Of all the English clergymen I 
have heard thus far, Mr. Dallas speaks out of the 
fullest heart, and knows best how to interest his 
audience. 

* * 
I have attended these last days various meet- 
ings of controversy between Romanists and Angli- 
cans. Here are the impressions they have made 
on me : I distrust every individual who defends 
his cause with great effort of lungs. It looks as if 
he needed to stun you in order to obtain your 
assent. I am also suspicious of the one who says 
on all occasions : " That is evident, nothing more 
manifest," etc. When a thing is evident, it is 
needless to say so ; and if one says so, it is likely 



io6 h Sours flMlgtimage 

because it is not. The complaints of a controver- 
sialist who thinks his adversary is wanting in a 
proper regard for him personally, are also distaste- 
ful to me. Generally such pleadings are a way of 
escape, revealing the weakness of a man who is 
unable to answer the arguments of his opponent 
and finds himself reduced to accusing his methods. 
What I find wanting in the Roman controver- 
sialists thus far is perfect candor. They forget 
that assertions are not reasons, and that truth 
should create authority, and not authority make 
truth. 

* * 
An evidence of the little faith there is in the 
world is the idea that is entertained generally of 
those who abandon a religion which they have 
found to be false for one they count to be true. 
They are despised, sometimes insulted, called 
apostates, renegades, etc. ; and the reason, because 
they have surrendered the religion of their fathers. 
The argument seems a decisive one. So that St. 
Paul and the other apostles must have been wrong 
to abandon Judaism, and they are to be counted 
apostates before all others. In the same way our 
ancestors who renounced paganism must have been 
wrong, and should have continued to render divine 
honors to Jupiter, Teutates, etc. Do you not see, O 
men of little faith, that your principles are destruc- 



Ulew ffriends T °7 



tive of all religion, that they suppose religious 

truth not to exist in this world, and that the 

daughter of Lusignan was right when Voltaire 
made her say : 

"J'eusse ete pres du Gange, esclave des faux dieux, 

Chretienne dans Paris, Musulmane en ces lieux." 

* 
* * 

I feel obliged to acknowledge this : Whoever 
comes from Rome has to conciliate the favor of 
any number of Protestants by two sure methods 
equally repugnant to me. The first invites one to 
play the hypocrite. Do you wish to make your- 
self considered as a truly converted man? you 
do not need to show approved virtue, tender piety, 
ardent charity, deep convictions ; it is enough to 
say with a certain air of compunction : " I have 
read the Bible, which I discovered by chance. 
After reading that divine book the Holy Spirit 
made me realize that I was nothing but a miserable 
sinner, unable to do any good thing. Then I 
deeply felt the need of a Saviour, and that Saviour 
I have found, and now I believe in Him and enjoy 
a full assurance of my salvation." This language 
has a decisive effect among certain of the ortho- 
dox. 

The second means to gain favor with fanatical 
Protestants is no less effective. It is to declare 



io8 b Sours pilgrimage 

oneself as an open enemy of Rome and all things 
Roman. Now, for my part, I cannot forget that, 
in spite of all the error and all the excesses justly 
ascribed to Rome, to her I owe the sweetest and 
purest emotions of my youth, and to villify her 
would be an odious thing, even though she has 
ceased to be the holy and divine institution to 
whose service I should have been so happy to 
devote my life. 

My feelings are modified more and more, thanks 
to God, by a sense of charity. During my stay in 
Rome, I experienced hardly anything but indigna- 
tion. Now I feel for the victims of error and 
prejudice, whoever they may be, a tender compas- 
sion. This need not blind me to the truth nor 
dim my sight to the glaring discrepancies be- 
tween the Church of Rome and the Church of 
Christ. 

Romanism is domination ; Protestantism is divis- 
ion. True Christianity is the union of all the 
children of God in liberty, in the love of truth, and 
in the practice of charity. 

If one should ask me to-day which is the most 
respectable of the Christian Churches, I think I 
should answer: "The Church of England." She 



fllew Jfrienfcs 109 



has a ministry which seems to me superior to 
any other in education, and her faithful commend 
themselves generally by the regularity of their 
lives and the purity of their manners. Moreover, 
she is liberal enough to admit of a high, a low and 
a broad Church. The fact that the two Newmans 
have been formed by her, that men as different 
from each other as Stanley and Pusey enjoy 
equally her favor, is a striking evidence of the 
latitude of views she permits. I do not mean by 
this that the Anglican Communion is the true 
Church. Is there a true Church ? Nor do I 
mean that she is free from error and hypocrisy, 
but, all considered, she seems to me at present the 
most respectable. Is this a sufficient reason why 
I should yield to the pressure of some good friends 
and abdicate my independence by declaring myself 
Anglican ? I do not feel it so. 

July 1, 1855. 

Feeling myself carried away by an order of ideas 
which I cannot reveal to those who have honored 
me with their friendship, unwilling to adventure 
myself in any of the ways that open before me, 
and resolved not to become the man of any sect 
or party, for there is not one to the doctrines of 
which I could give my full allegiance, I think seri- 
ously of freeing myselt without delay from the 



U Sours pilgrimage 



protection with which a number of kind friends 
favor me, with the hope of seeing me embrace their 
belief and following their way. 

August 1st. 

My decision is made. I have resolved to break 
all my ties with the old world and to seek in the 
new that independence of soul for which I have 
paid so great a price without being able to fully 
obtain it. 



CHAPTER X. 

THE NEW WORLD. 

TO-DAY at noon, August 15, 1855, 1 embarked 
at Liverpool for New York, wishing to put the 
ocean between my past and my future. This seri- 
ous step was not taken without a painful wrench of 
the heart. I cannot withdraw my eyes or my 
thoughts from the shores of the old world to 
which I am held by so many ties. 

Adieu, well beloved parents ! It is partly my 
affection for you which compels me to go far away. 
Do not fear, however, that separation can ever 
alter it. 

Adieu, my good friends ! Alas, your number is 
much decreased within a year. I have nothing 
against those who have abandoned me ; I shall be 
only the more faithful to those who remain. 

Adieu, France, my beautiful country ! It mat- 
ters not how far the tempest may carry me from 
thee, thou shalt always be the land of my first 
love. 

Adieu, Church, still venerated in spite of thy 
errors. Never can I forget that through thee I 



B Soul's pilgrimage 



was initiated to the Christian faith and to the 
charm of piety. Adieu to all that were dear to me 
and whom I still love. Adieu ! 

August 1 8. 

Never, not even when I left Rome and the 
Roman Church, have I felt more alone in the 
world. Not a friend, not an acquaintance. Behind 
me, sacrifice ; before me, the unknown ! It is the 
most complete isolation. During the past two days 
I have been a prey to the most profound sadness. 
However, thank God, my ideas are insensibly modi- 
fied, my melancholy passes away. I do not know 
whether it is the effect of Sunday, but I find myself 
in a solemn mood this evening and even happy in 
my sacrifices. The sun has just set in an immense 
flood of purple. The moon seems to smile on me 
across the cordage of the ship. Just now a mag- 
nificent rainbow formed in the east like the portals 
of Europe. I am nearly alone on deck, at least I 
am in entire solitude. Nothing disturbs my 
reverie, and this reverie possesses an indescribable 
charm, like the Infinite, of whom the image is 
before me, over me and around me. Although 
not knowing why, I feel my soul in repose and my 
heart satisfied! O my soul, bless the Lord • 
And all that is within me bless his holy name! 
It is He who shall heal all thy wounds ! 



£be 1Rew WorlD 113 

August 30. 

To-day the Lord looked with pity upon my 
widowed heart, and gave me one of his most 
precious gifts. He allowed me to find a friend. 

From my first conversation with Frederic Chris- 
tie I felt myself strongly attracted. Superior edu- 
cation, generous aspirations, a gentle melancholy 
— all this won me, and this evening, in a burst of 
sympathy, I revealed myself to him without re- 
serve. He was equally frank with me. From 
that moment we knew one another better, perhaps, 
than any one else, and our confidences made us 
both happy. 

Thus, then, I am no longer alone in the world. 
My thirst of loving has found an object upon which 
it can be satisfied, and an object worthy of love. 
I thank Thee, my God, for this unhoped-for mercy ! 
It is perhaps the greatest that could be given me 
in my present condition. 

September 19th. 

Last days of our voyage ! Although it has 
been three weeks since the day we met, it has 
seemed short to my new friend and to me. We 
passed our days and often part of our nights, now 
in intimate conversation, and again in mute con- 
templation, interrupted by reading or recitation of 
passages from our favorite authors : Shakespeare, 



ii4 B Sours pilgrimage 

Victor Hugo, etc. But above all did we enjoy 
the meditations of Lamartine, which suited best 
the state of our minds. Sometimes when our 
thoughts took a more religious turn, we limited 
ourselves to the contemplation of some New Tes- 
tament verses, or a quotation from the Imitation. 
We enjoyed commenting upon them together, 
finding in this an inexpressible delight. Frederic 

C was born a Protestant, and brought up so ; 

until recently I had been a fervent Romanist, and 
starting from extremes so opposite, we felt a true 
satisfaction to meet each other and unite on com- 
mon ground, the spirit of Christianity. Sincerely 
loving the true, the good, the beautiful, we en- 
deavored to give free flight to our souls in the 
field of the Infinite, and this had an ineffable charm 
for us. The moment when we shall have to sepa- 
rate and pass from the ocean of dreams to the land 
of realities will come all too soon for our intimacy. 

September 20th. 

Glorious day ! At early morning we found our- 
selves in sight of the American coast. At eleven 
o'clock we entered the magnificent bay of New 
York. All is new and charming. The country 
seats and houses built on the shores or banks near 
the water are pretty and coquettish. The ships of 
all kinds which pass and repass in every part of 



Gbe mew TKHorlD 



the harbor are remarkably graceful. The steamers 
which ply between the cities on the river are like 
moving palaces. The Americans belonging to the 
custom house, police, etc., are neatly and even 
elegantly dressed ; every one has a well-cared-for 
and comfortable appearance. 

* * 
At last here we are ! Hardly installed at the 

hotel, in a room looking out upon the City Hall, 
happy in my thoughts after all the agitations, the 
distractions and emotions of an arrival in a new 
world, I experience something strange and inex- 
pressible — a delight of independence amounting 
almost to intoxication. In fact, was it not to con- 
quer this independence that I gave up all the rest ? 

Ecce nova facio omnia : in this country where 
all is new to me, everything within me must 
become new also. 

A crowd of questions already present them- 
selves to my mind. How can I solve them ? At 
all events, I shall use the criterion of truth which 
was given me by my illustrious and holy director, 
Pere de Ravignan : "All that tends to elevate the 
mind and enlarge the heart is true ; all that has a 
contrary effect is false." Then may I know Thee, 
O Lord, and may I know myself ! Noverim te, 
noverim me / 

With virtue for a mission, with God for my 



"6 b Sours pilgrimage 

hope, is there not here enough to give value to 
my life ? And who shall prevent me from follow- 
ing this double and worthy object ? 

September 23 d. 

May this day, the anniversary of my birth, 
begin for me a new life. To live is not enough. 
I have a work to do. Liberty and truth — here 
are my two idols. Liberty for the truth and the 
truth through liberty, here is the means and here 
is the end. 

Let us leave the past ; it is dead ! 

Let us live for the future ; it is only in view of 
it I can act. 

* * 

Knowing that Boston was the capital of mind 
and the center of culture in the great Republic, I 
determined to take up my residence there for a 
time at least, in order to bring myself in touch 
with American life and thought at its best. 

November 3, 1855. 

The very day after my arrival a friend, hap- 
pily met at the Revere House, took me to 
the home of Mr. Longfellow, the pre-eminent 
poet of the new world. His reception was 
most gracious ; he received us in the room 
where Washington held his headquarters, and 



tTbe IRew WLo'clb ^7 



where a Frenchman loves to find the name 
of Lafayette. Mr. Longfellow kindly proposed 
me a dinner of introduction, so that the first 
official dinner I took in the United States was 
at the house of one ol America's purest glories, 
a house venerated as a sanctuary by his country- 
men, and in company with several of the most 
cultivated minds of Boston ; for Mr. Longfel- 
low, who does nothing by halves, had invited to 
this dinner the leading professors of the University 
of Cambridge. A delicate attention on his part, 
too, was that the dinner was prepared and served 
entirely a la frangaise. But what followed I 
valued and enjoyed far more than the dinner. 
When the twelve other guests had gone home, 
he asked me to remain alone in order that we 
might engage in more intimate conversation. I 
will not soon forget his charming candor and 
warm-hearted sympathy, which soon won my con- 
fidence and made it easy for me to speak to him of 
my personal experiences. He understood me, 
approved and encouraged my present determina- 
tion and declared himself my friend. This day, 
and, above all, the conversation which closed it, 
shall ever have a part among my best souvenirs. 

November 5 th. 

Almost by chance I was introduced to-day to 



n8 B Sours flMlQttmage 

the Bishop of Massachusetts, the Right Rev. Dr. 
Manton Eastburn. I was not prepared for this 
introduction, and when it was proposed, I regretted 
that my costume was not such as to meet a person 
of such dignity. On seeing his lordship, all 
awkwardness on my part disappeared. Not one 
distinctive mark characterized this man, save his 
fine presence and distinguished and affable manners. 
The bishop spoke to me as a minister of Christ 
and showed me much kindness. I had not to fall 
on my knees before this good man, as one 
has to do before the so-called grandeurs of the 
Roman hierarchy. A cordial shake of the hand 
advantageously replaced this Pharisaic ceremony. 
The bishop is, with the ministers under his juris- 
diction, the primus inter pares, a sort of elder 
brother. Surely this manner of being and acting 
is more apostolic than that of the superb prelates 
under Roman anthority. 

November 15th. 

The circle of my acquaintances, and I may say 
of my friends, is enlarging every day. They are, 
almost without exception, noble types of humanity. 
Is there a city that can be compared with Boston 
for the number of superior men it contains in every 
branch of excellence ? 

Yesterday I was presented to one especially 



£be Ulew TaaorlD 119 



worthy, a true gentleman, and a member of the 
American Congress, the Hon. Robert C. Winthrop. 
To-day the one who now occupies the pulpit of 
Dr. Channing, his worthy successor in noble quali- 
ties of heart and soul, Rev. Dr. Ezra Gannett, came 
to invite me to dine at his house with a gathering 
of distinguished men whom he desired me to know. 
May I prove worthy of such kindness ! I have 
been in this incomparable city only a fortnight, and 
already I find myself in pleasant relation with the 
most estimable of its citizens. 

November 2 2d. 

Under the patronage of my new friends, all of 
them persons of influence, I delivered yesterday 
evening in a large hall my first discourse in 
America. The assembly was numerous and select, 
I was listened to with manifest sympathy, and the 
success of this, my first effort, was most encour- 
aging. The favor which this introductory dis- 
course obtained with the press of the city, as well 
as my personal acquaintances, remove all anxiety 
as to my ability to make for myself an honorable 
position in the United States. 

November 24th. 

One thing only has happened thus far to mar 
the pleasure of my stay here. I was approached 



120 h Sours SMlgrimage 

to-day by a clergyman of the Congregationalist 
Church with a proposition to identify myself with 
that denomination. This gentleman had been 
especially kind to me, and I hardly knew how to 
meet, without offense, what to him no doubt was 
a worthy act of zeal. I found myself in a particu- 
larly painful position ; either give up my indepen- 
dence of soul, which to me is of sovereign value, 
so that to acquire it I felt it my duty to sacrifice 
everything, or appear to betray another duty 
especially dear to my heart, the duty of gratitude. 
In consideration of my future as well as my past 
one course only was open to me, and this I 
resolved to follow though it might cut me off from 
friends. 

November 25th. 

To-day I can either boast or reproach myself 
for having sat in the assembly of those whom the 
orthodox call infidels. I went to hear Theodore 
Parker at the Music Hall — Theodore Parker, who 
is avoided and disavowed even by the Unitarians. 
Now I must confess that in all he said there was 
not an idea nor a word that wounded me ; on the 
contrary, this appeared to be just the atmosphere 
for my present state of mind. Mr. Parker, in my 
sense, is a logical and truly brave preacher ; the 
others, I speak of course of the liberals, seemed 



Gbe t\c\v Wioxm 121 

to draw back from the consequences of the prin- 
ciples they have laid down. Here is a Protestant, 
indeed, in the full sense of the word. After the 
service I was introduced to Mr. Parker, who 
already knew something of my history, and wel- 
comed me with marked politeness. He invited 
me to call upon him for a confidential talk at any 
time that I should feel inclined to do so. I shall 
avail myself of this invitation. 

I perceive that in ceasing to be a Catholic the 
more catholic I have become. The further I go 
away from Rome the more my horizon extends, 
the more my principles broaden, the larger grows 
my heart, and, consequently, the more truly 
catholic I grow to be in feeling as well as in 
thought. There is nothing more anti-catholic 
than the Church which pretends to appropriate to 
itself that noble and beautiful name. 

Wendell Phillips has been preaching at the 
Music Hall in place of Theodore Parker, who is 
ill. I like that. Why has not a learned layman, 
endowed with a message of truth, as much right as 
a minister to speak on religion ? In some ways he 
is even more qualified to do so, for a minister can 
hardly speak disinterestedly. A man who, in order 
to keep his position and the consideration he 



B Soul's flMl0tima0e 



enjoys, is obliged to speak in a particular sense, no 
matter how sincere he may be, can inspire only a 
relative confidence. All his studies and medita- 
tions have been made in conformity with the views 
he has committed himself to preach. 

I feel somewhat frightened by all the questions 
which present themselves to me. Men have so 
misrepresented religion ; they have so exerted 
themselves in showing as divine their own concep- 
tions, that in all that is given me as coming 
from God I tremble lest I should find most of it 
mere human invention. Now as the truth is the 
only thing I seek, I shall not stop in the middle of 
the road. May the good God enlighten and direct 
me ! I desire to worship Him alone, according to 
His express command : * Thou shalt worship the 
Lord, thy God, and Him only shalt thou serve!" 

Think for thyself! Descartes showed himself a 
sage, indeed, when he expressed this profound 
principle. And that man only deserves the same 
title who acts according to this precept. Think 
for thyself! This is the beginning of wisdom. 
" The whole land is in desolation because no one 
reflects." It is true, that it is easier to accept 
without serious examination a ready made religion. 
This suits idle minds, and they are many. Never- 



vibe mew WorlD 123 



theless, it belongs only to children to swallow 
indiscriminately everything put into their mouths. 
Having come to maturity, they distinguish for 
themselves between what agrees and disagrees 
with them. It should be the same with things of 
the mind. Must the soul remain purely passive 
and receive every impression to which it pleases 
this one and that one to subject it? Active by 
nature, must it not act ? If I have the discerning 
spirit, is it not that I should employ it to discern ? 
Must I move only when some one moves me ? 

Sometimes we hear people who consider them- 
selves without religion, complimenting the faithful 
in this way : " You who are able to believe must 
be very happy." I confess I cannot envy such 
happiness. If those who believe, understand at 
the same time, well and good. But then one 
should say : " You are very happy, you who 
understand." What real happiness can there be 
in holding as indisputable things in no wise cer- 
tain ! It is the happiness of illusion such as the 
imagination alone can give, and I claim to have 
enjoyed it formerly as well as anybody. But now 
that the edifice of the belief to which I owed it has 
crumbled down, I do not feel that I should be 
pitied. I enjoy, on the contrary, the satisfaction 
of a soul free from prejudice, who loves truth 



124 B Sours UMlgrimage 

above all things, and will never be affirmative 
except when it knows. 

And thus religion, as they understand it, extin- 
guishes the sweetest and most legitimate feelings 
of the human heart. It is because of their religion 
that my brothers and sisters have ceased to cherish 
any regard for one who loves them dearly. It is 
because of their religion that several of my former 
friends deny and despise me. Alas ! it is because 
of religion that one curses, slanders, persecutes 
and crucifies. It is because of religion that one 
delivers to Satan nine-tenths of the children of men 
who are at the same time the children of God. 
And these poor blind consider such feelings as 
pleasing to Him who has said : " This is my 
command, that ye love one another." 

" Do you believe in revelation?" I was asked. 
How can I help believing in it. Every discovery, 
every human invention (and there are many in 
these days) is a revelation of its own kind. The 
Gospel is the greatest of religious revelations, the 
law of gravitation one of the greatest of scientific 
revelations. 

Dec. 31, 1856. 

What a year ends to-day ! The great experience 



Gfce IRew WioxlS 125 



I have made in it is that the more one draws near 
to nature, the more one walks in the way of truth 
and virtue. It seems to me, and I thank God for 
it, that my moral level has been raised. May it be 
really so ! May each year increase my love of 
the good, the beautiful and the true ! I have no 
longer what sectarians call faith, that faith which is 
nothing but belief, and is taken by them for abso- 
lute certainty, but I have confidence in God, and 
that is sufficient for me. The wants, the aspira- 
tions, which I find in my soul must have some real 
object; I long for truth, justice, affection, happi- 
ness, and I hope to fill my soul with them some 
day. I aspire to perfection, and I shall endeavor 
to perfect myself. A day must come when all my 
faculties will attain their legitimate satisfaction. 
Where, when and how, I do not know. But 
everything in me tells me that it will be so, and so 
I hope. 



CHAPTER XL 

VARIED EXPERIENCES J NEW YORK. 

THIS first year in New England was most 
encouraging. My literary conferences met 
with unexpected success. A complete course was 
given in the hall of the Y. M. C. A., Boston, and 
various series at Cambridge, Lynn, Milton, Nahant 
and Newport. From all these places the most 
gratifying letters came to me quite unexpectedly 
from several persons well known in the world of 
letters. Among them we find such names as those 
of Mr. Longfellow, Theodore Parker, Dr. Hedge, 
Edmund Quincy, Wendell Phillips, Lothrop Mot- 
ley, Bishop Eastburn, Charles Brooks, Henry 
Tuckerman, Robert C. Winthrop, Rufus Choate, 
Edward Everett, etc., etc. Notwithstanding, there 
was nothing permanent as yet in my position. 

Two propositions were just then made to me: 
the one, to fill the professorship of French lan- 
guage and literature in Washington University, at 
St. Louis ; the other, to establish a collegiate 
school for young ladies at Lexington, Ky. 

We started for St. Louis first, but as the aspect 



IDarieD Brperiences ; 1ftew l^ork 127 

of things there did not appear favorable, we soon 
left for Lexington, where we were already known to 
the family of Senator Duncan, and were well fur- 
nished with letters to Mr. Breckinridge, the family of 
Henry Clay and several others. One of the largest 
and best houses in the city was put at our disposal, 
and many pupils were already enrolled, when an 
incident happened which brought all our projects 
to a sudden end. 

One Sunday, in returning from church, we 
passed without knowing it, through the slave 
market. It was an open square where many men 
had gathered and were employed in bartering for 
a female slave. Coming from Boston, where I had 
been associated with Wendell Phillips, Lloyd 
Garrison, and others of the abolitionist party, to 
which my heart thoroughly belonged, I could not 
help in some deeree showing the pain and indig- 
nation I felt. This criticism stirred up bad feel- 
ings, which some of the people did not hesitatate to 
express so openly that a friendly ear which caught 
them lost no time in repeating them to me. Late 
that night, I was awakened by a soft rapping upon 
our window which opened upon the back piazza of 
the hotel, and found there a young mulatto, who 
was engaged in doing some printing for the school. 
He brought news of a plot to tar and feather me, 
and in this high-handed and desperate way to cut 



128 h Sours pilgrimage 

short my dangerous doctrines. I did not propose 
to retract what I had said, and so there was noth- 
ing for me to do but to leave the place at once, 
which we did at daybreak next day. We turned 
our steps to Cincinnati where at least we should be 
on free soil. 

Our sojourn in this city was a brief one, but it 
brought us in touch with many choice minds, chief 
among them, the Rev. Moncure Conway, minister 
to the Unitarian congregation, and Mr. Spofford, 
later librarian of Congress, Editor of the Cincinnati 
Commercial. Of the first of these, Theodore Par- 
ker wrote to me : " He is a young man of superior 
talents, and whose ideas entirely accord with my 
own ;" of the second, Mr. Parker said : " He is 
the most learned man of the West, a man of heart 
as well as of mind." Ample opportunity was given 
me to prove the truth of these expressions of 
esteem, and to my personal contact with these two 
noble-spirited men I look back with feelings of true 
satisfaction. 

I read in my journal these reflections : 
What a fine and rare sight to find united in one 
church men free from all prejudice, having put 
aside every preconception, with no other care than 
instruction and edification, ready to sacrifice all 
things for the truth, eager to come, under the eye 
of God, to a deeper knowledge of the sacredness 



Darted ^Experiences ; 1Rew L^orR 



of life and the dignity of the human soul. This is 
the spectacle which the liberal church of Mr. Con- 
way presents to-day. For the first time since I left 
Rome, I find myself able and willing to preach in 
a church. What a difference between what I said 
to-day, and the ideas I expressed then ! I was a 
man this morning — a free man ! Formerly I was 
a blind fanatic. 

I hear that the brother of Dr. Newman, who, 
like him, was one of the glories of Oxford, has 
just taken a road diametrically opposed to that 
followed by the Oratorian. He belongs to-day to 
the school of Parker. Thus both these brothers 
have been logical ; the one has followed the logic 
of fanaticism, the other that of free thought. 
For the first, it is authority which makes 
truth ; for the second, it is truth which makes 
authority. Mr. Newman's book, " The Phases 
of My Creed," appeals to me deeply. It 
is nearly my own history ; the same doubts, the 
same trials, the same reflections, the same transac- 
tions, the same conclusions. There is in this 
volume reason, logic and an admirable sincerity. 
It teaches me to know and to resist better the 
sectarian spirit. Oh ! blest a thousand times be the 
day when I arose above all considerations of sect ! 

I have been admitted as an honorary member 



130 B Sours flMlgtimase 

of the Literary Club of Cincinnati. At the first 
meeting which I attended, the discussion bore 
upon a religious question. What I especially 
admire in the two most distinguished members of 
this club, Messrs. Spofford and Conway, is the 
straightforward and simple manner in which they 
answer " I do not know," on precisely the same 
subjects which the ignorant treat with all the pre- 
sumption and assurance that springs from narrow 
and limited intelligence. I can have confidence 
only in a man who can doubt. It is only fanati- 
cism or folly which never questions. 

* * 
The lover of truth never admits anything but 

what is demonstrated to him. He is very exacting 
in regard to the premises, but the moment he has 
accepted them, he goes from consequence to con- 
sequence to the last limits. Nothing can stop him. 
He is by no means preoccupied with the final 
result to which he may be brought. He wants 
truth, even should it be contrary to all the opinions 
in favor; should it be painful for him and for 
others ; should it be a wall of separation between 
him and his friends ; between his former self and 
himself of to-day ; 

Justum et tenacem, 

Impavidum ferient ruinae. 

He goes on, goes on always, with this firm belief, 



tDatieD Bxpertences ; IWew l^ork 131 

that if severe logic leads him where at first he 
should not have thought of going, he is, neverthe- 
less, in the right path, and that, if in the right 

path, he must reach the true goal. 

* 

There is no sect, political, social or religious, 
which has not its fanatics. There are pagan 
fanatics and Christian fanatics, fanatics of the Pope 
and fanatics of the Bible, fanatics of absolutism and 
fanatics of democracy, fanatics of feudalism and 
fanatics of socialism ; but where are the fanatics 
of truth — those who love truth more than any 
party, any system, any creed ; who would be wil- 
ling to give up or suffer anything for truth's sake ? 
Their number is so limited that they can not form 
a body. Well ! should I be the only one of such 
a body, the party of truth, I would be its fanatical 

partisan. 

* 

* * 

Some say to me : " Submit thy reason." Any 
one who wishes to deceive me would say the same. 
He who at first requires from me such a concession 

renders himself suspected by the very fact. 

* 

* * 

Before everything else, we are free. Freedom is 
our most valuable and most glorious privilege : let 
us know how to preserve and defend it. / am free : 
this must be the starting-point in every religious 



132 B SouFs Pilgrimage 

investigation or discussion. The minister or the 
fanatic of any sect comes to me declaring authori- 
tatively : " My religion is the only true one ; you 
must submit yourself to it." I answer him : " I am 
free ; I am so by divine right ; and as such I refuse 
your demand, unless you produce here before me 
your titles, but evident, incontestable titles, such as 
will exclude every possible doubt, and will not 
permit the least hesitation. Till then, woe and 
shame to me if unfaithfully and like a coward I 
should forfeit what I hold as most precious and 
inalienable in the world — my liberty ! Oh ! if 
every one — and it is the paramount duty of each — 
should act so ! What a desert then in the so-called 
Orthodox or infallible churches ! 

* * 

What is the rarest thing among men ? A man. 

What is the rarest thing among reasonable 
beings ? Reason. 

What is the rarest thing among free-born souls ? 
Freedom. 

* * 

We left Cincinnati in some anxiety about the 
future. New York seemed to me to offer not only 
the most favorable opportunities for my literary 
efforts, but also a large field for study of the many 
and various phases of religious belief and activity. 
I had but one or two friends in that city, yet I felt 



DarieD ^Experiences ; IRevv lork 133 

that they were men whom I could trust. This 
confidence was not misplaced. From the moment 
of our arrival, Henry Tuckerman, Dr. Henry 
Bellows and others took a most lively interest in 
our well-being. It was shortly arranged that I 
should give a course of sermons on Unity in the 
church of Dr. Bellows, on the corner of Twentieth 
street and Fourth avenue. These sermons met 
with a most encouraging reception and drew many 
people of liberal mind among the various Protest- 
ant denominations. The impressions of my audi- 
tors were not always the same. What pleased 
some in the free and radical discussion of the sub- 
ject before me, was percisely what displeased 
others. For the orthodox were present as well as 
the liberal thinkers. Notwithstanding, even among 
the more positive denominations there were those 
who expressed their sympathy and agreement with 
my views. An Episcopalian lady, with all the 
exterior appearance of wealth and cultivation, came 
forward after the first service to congratulate me 
upon having undertaken such a useful mission. 
" There are," she said, " among our people a num- 
ber of souls more or less independent who cannot 
accept heartily every dogmatie assertion of those 
who calls themselves orthodox. Reasons of var- 
ious kinds do not permit them to say all they 
think in their ordinary surroundings, and they 



134 % Sours pilgrimage 

would not go and hear a declared Unitarian, such 
as Dr. Bellows. But they believe that they may 
attend a French service, where the preaching is 
liberal, without offending any one." 

As the church of Dr. Bellows could not always 
be at our disposal, my friends made arrangements 
that I should use a hall in the Cooper Institute, 
and there continue the free and open discussion of 
religious doctrine and truth. I preached there 
during the eight months between October, 1858, 
and May, 1859. The success of this enterprise 
was somewhat remarkable. The hall, though an 
ample one, was, on several occasions, found to be 
too small for the audience. A large number of 
my hearers were men belonging to the press of 
the city and the learned professions. Along with 
this work a little club was started under the name 
of " The Council of Ten," with the object of 
studying and investigating the various religious 
systems of the world. This club continued for 
several years, and while it may not have accom- 
plished any great practical results, it served at 
least to deepen our interest and heighten our 
enthusiasm in the pursuit of religious truth. 

My Sunday discourses might have continued 
indefinitely had I not received in April of 1859 a 
letter from Mr. Longfellow, asking me to take 
charge of the department of French language and 



IDarfeD ^Experiences ; IRew fork 135 

literature at Harvard University. As this invita- 
tion came to me entirely unsought, and was accom- 
panied by an expression of deep affection on the 
part of Mr. Longfellow, I asked myself with no 
little concern whether I should not accept it. The 
thought of putting down a task so lately begun 
and so full of promise was distasteful to me, and I 
only allowed myself to accept Mr. Longfellow's 
invitation with the conviction that at some future 
day I would resume such a work. Looking back 
from my present position, I think I can see the 
hand of Providence guiding me to the decision! I 
then made. In spite of the unexpected popularity 
of this series of services, I do not believe I was 
entirely fitted either in mind or in my appreciation 
of the truths of Christianity to bring such an 
undertaking to good effect. My views were still 
reactionary, and had not fully recovered from the 
unsettled condition consequent upon my rejection 
of the Roman claims. 

Many were the expressions of regret on the 
part of those who made up our congregation that 
the services were to be discontinued. A generous 
effort was made, started by Mr. Leavitt Hunt, to 
establish the enterprise upon a permanent basis ; 
notwithstanding, as this came after my letter of 
acceptance had been sent to Mr. Longfellow, it 
could not accomplish its purpose. 



136 U Sours pilgrimage 

Our last meeting was a most impressive one. 
I made my farewell in these words : 

" To-day must cease, at least for some time, 
this work which has become very dear to me, 
and which, in spite of difficulties and con- 
tradictions that confronted it at the beginning, 
has already brought me true pleasure and 
valued encouragement. Three kinds of persons 
have frequented our services. The first, I regret 
to say, are the Scribes and Pharisees of Christian- 
ity. They are not many, but they have been in 
attendance with decidedly hostile intentions. I 
dare not hope that anything I have said has been 
useful to this class of hearers. They belong to 
those who have eyes and see not, and ears and 
hear not. Jesus Himself does not seem to have 
made any notable conversion among the'Pharisees. 
St. Paul, it is true, belonged to this caste, but in 
order that he should see the light by a kind of 
miracle scales fell from his eyes. May this marvel 
be renewed in favor of one at least of the blind of 
whom I have just spoken. 

" Other persons in great numbers came, attracted 
chiefly by curiosity. I do not blame them ; on 
the contrary, curiosity, accompanied by sincerity, 
naturally leads to the truth as investigation leads 
to knowledge. Besides, it is sweet to me to state 
that this curiosity, with a good number, soon gave 



DarieD Bipetiences ; IHew \)oxk 137 

place to a true interest. I have had encouraging 
evidences of this. 

" Finally, many amongst you have from the first 
favored these meetings with your sympathy. I 
thank you for it, and I trust that to you, as well as 
to me, each Sunday has marked a step forward in 
the development of religious thought and life. It 
is to understand one another when both have the 
single high object — the pursuit of the true, the 
good and the right. 

" I owe here my particular thanks to the noble 
friends who, learning that I have been called else- 
where, conceived so generous a plan to continue 
this work and to keep me here. I shall carry away 
with me a sweet remembrance of their interest and 
affection. Besides, we separate, I like to think, 
only for a time. 

" Several amongst you, in thanking me, have said 
I made them think. I am glad of it, for this is the 
result I desire above all other. I do not ask you 
to adopt my way of viewing things, but at least 
think and judge for yourselves. All our dignity, 
says Pascal, is in thought. Think then, think the 
more seriously, because the matters presented to 
you for reflection are so grave and lofty. Error, 
falsehood, and crime come often because no one 
thinks. Thought leads to the truth and the truth 
leads to virtue." 



138 B Sours iptlgrimage 

If I had any doubt of the serious interest which 
this enterprise had awakened, it would have been 
dissipated at this, our last meeting. The number 
of those in attendance more than filled the hall and 
many were visibly moved. The adieux which were 
made me, and the regrets which my friends 
expressed were most gratifying. For a long time 
I have not been so deeply and happily impressed 
as at this our last service in New York. 



CHAPTER XII. 

BOSTON. 

HARDLY had I begun my course of instruc- 
tion at the university, when a proposition 
was made me by Mr. Agassiz, whose school in 
Cambridge will long be remembered as the leading 
institution for the education of young women in 
this country. The instructors were most of them 
professors at the university. Mr. Agassiz was pre- 
paring at this time to make a journey of explora- 
tion in South America, which would likely con- 
sume many months, and he came to me with the 
request that I should take his lecture hours in the 
school for a course in French literature. I at once 
accepted this offer, and found myself happy in a 
work so congenial to my training and inclina- 
tions. 

But another proposition followed this, which 
pleased me even more. The Rev. Dr. Manning, 
pastor of the Old South Church, a Congregationalist 
of the liberal school, having heard of the work I had 
been doing in New York, called on me and asked 
me to undertake a similar work in Boston. He 



ho a Sours pilgrimage 

placed the Old South Chapel at my disposal, and 
the next Saturday the first of my services was 
announced in the papers, and on Sunday I found 
the chapel full. To take up religious work again 
was most agreeable to me, especially as I had not 
ceased to regret my enforced separation from our 
little band of enthusiasts in New York. 

My life at Cambridge renewed many of the associ- 
ations which I had found so helpful and gratifying 
during my first visit to Boston. Among others, it 
was my privilege to come in contact with that rare 
mind, Ralph Waldo Emerson. I recall particularly 
a day I spent at his home in Concord. In theafter- 
noon, he proposed a walk in a grove a short dis- 
tance from his home. In the middle of this bit of 
woods was a somewhat spacious pond which Mr. 
Emerson looked upon as a lake. We sat down on 
a little hill which commanded a view of it. After 
some moments of mute contemplation, Emerson 
said to me : "It is now fifteen years that every 
day when the weather and my occupations permit 
I come and sit for a few moments in this place, 
and each time I find in this little lake some new 
beauty/' Thus it is that for a man who lives the 
life of the spirit, even a narrow lake may become 
an inexhaustible source of inspiration and enjoy- 
ment, whilst for the common-place man even the 
vast ocean itself may seem to be nothing but a 



Boston 141 



body of salt water, sometimes calm, and sometimes 
agitated. 

I made the acquaintance at this time of two 
other men of eminence, James Freeman Clarke, 
and Thos. Starr King. The latter was to prove 
not only an agreeable companion but a warm- 
hearted friend. In such an atmosphere, among 
men of many views, I found ample food for 
reflection and abundant opportunity for study 
in the lines of both religious and political 
thought. 

Here are some of my reflections : 

If the present is not an age of religious convic- 
tions, it is certainly one of religious sincerity. 
Without failing in any degree in the respect due to 
things sacred, or only so called, it dares to look 
upon them steadily, and even holds that to be its 
duty. Man is no longer afraid of God ; on the 
contrary he seeks Him. We consider, then, not as 
a sacrilege, but as an act of conscientious piety, 
the work of criticism, now undertaken by so many 
sincerely religious men, on the historical bases of 
Christianity ; and we believe that there will result 
from such a work, in place of the idolatrous 
worship paid by so many Christians to certain men 
and certain things, a more judicious appreciation, 
and a more reasonable estimation of those men and 



142 B Sours ipilgrimage 

those things. Superstition will undoubtedly lose 
by this. Religion cannot but gain. 

What is religion? A science? No. A law? 
No. It is a want; the noblest of our nature. This 
want man satisfies with elements more or less 
coarse, more or less pure, according to the degree 
of his development and advancement ; but the 
moment he feels it, he becomes a religious man, 
even should he be counted amongst pagans and 
idolators. Whosoever does not feel that want has 
but an incomplete human nature, and resembles 
one deprived of reason ; the most precious of his 
faculties has been denied him; and whosoever 
experiencing that want does not endeavor to satisfy 
it, deserves, and he alone deserves, the name of 
"infidel." 

* * 

Religion as a principle is the relation, the link, 
between the soul and God ; and practical religion 
is that relation, that link, growing closer and 
closer. God, the supreme perfection, is the end ; 
the soul freely possessing all its faculties is forever 
drawn towards that supreme splendor. The race 
it has to run embraces the immense distance 
which separates it from God; its religion grows just 
in proportion as it advances nearer to the divine 
end. Every truth discovered, every good deed 



Boston 143 



performed, each throb of pure love felt, every 
pious emotion experienced, is one more step in the 
royal road that leads to heaven ! 

" Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." 
All religion, theoretical and practical, is comprised 
in these words. 

Is religion, therefore, nothing but the accom- 
plishment of duty, the love and pursuit of truth, 
justice and virtue? No! All that belongs to 
religion ; but reiigion is yet more than that ; and 
the only proof I should require of it is found in 
the religious faculty with which we are gifted — a 
distinct faculty, neither intelligence, nor con- 
science, nor imagination, nor will, and which con- 
sequently, like each one of these, has its own pecu- 
liar object. To bring these same faculties in 
close relation with their ultimate object, God — to 
make them divine, if I may say so — that is the 
work of religion ! What does our intelligence 
seek for ? Truth ! Now, the religious faculty 
leads the intellect to God as the supreme source 
from which all truth flows, and by whom alone 
this thirst for truth can be fully assuaged ; and so 
with all our faculties. 

Hence it follows that a man may love beyond 
all things truth, virtue and right, without being 
really a religious man. Little is wanting to make 



144 H Sours lIMlsrimage 

him such ; but that little is essential. There is 
before us the altar ; everything is prepared for the 
offering; the odorous wood, the rich gums are 
there ; what is wanting that the incense may rise 
up ? A spark ! 

The time is coming, and for many it has come 
already, when a man to be sincerely religious must 
be a rationalist. Let no one conclude from this, 
that in order to be religious it is enough to be a 
rationalist. Rationalism applies only to those 
truths in religion which are within the dominion of 
reason, which belong to the intellect. Now, 
religion is less a matter of reason than of feeling. 
Reason confirms the discoveries of the soul in 
religious matters, but does not make them. These 
are the objects of faith. Thus it is that the exist- 
ence of God is essentially an article of faith ; for no 
premises, however large, can embrace the infinite 
as a conclusion. This is, in fact, the only legiti- 
mate article of faith, for all truths proceed 
logically from that absolute principle. 

Good actions are not enough for a religious life. 
Piety must have its share. There are in religion 
two elements — an active and a mystic one. On 
the one hand, the union with God intimately felt, 
a source of unspeakable peace and delight ; on the 



^Boston 145 



other, life ordained, sanctified, fruitful in works of 
mercy and virtue. He who loves God accomplishes 
his law. To love God, then, and to accomplish 
his law, sums up all religion. It requires two 
things — piety and virtue. 

"O God, Thou art my God." These words 
most admirably express the distinction between 
ritual and doctrinal religion and heartfelt and 
practical religion. Every one can say, and almost 
everyone says, "O God." Every one talks of 
God and may invoke and praise Him, but that man 
only is religious who in all the sincerity and fervor 
of his soul exclaims, " My God;" who has made 
God his own ; who has communed with Him. 
Till then, his religion, if he professes any, amounts 
to nothing but vain speculation and sterile formal- 
ism. But then, it becomes life, the native imma- 
terial life of the soul. O God, be my God ! 

May 11, i860. 

He is dead. What a loss ! The nation will at 
last appreciate him. Strange circumstance — the 
very day they learn the sad news is the one on 
which the Unitarians hold their annual convention, 
in the same hall where each Sunday the crowd 
tries to find sufficient seats to hear him. It could 
not be said that all the Unitarians who attended 



146 % Sours pilgrimage 

this fete were in full sympathy with Theodore Par- 
ker, notwithstanding, all prejudice this evening 
seemed to have vanished as if by enchantment. 
When the fatal news became known, each speaker 
in turn referred affectionately and reverently to the 
prophet who had been taken from them, and each 
time the public received his name with the most 
heartfelt testimony of sympathy and regard. 
Indeed, all the interest of the meeting turned to a 
manifestation in favor of the Reformer. 

* * 
Already he lives again. Even the Courrier des 

Etats Urns, which had never before mentioned his 

name, proclaims him as the first intelligence of this 

great country. How many there are who have 

never read one of his works, and yet who will now 

devour them, in surprise that such substantial food 

has been so near them, at their very doors. He 

will thus be more useful in his death than in his 

life, and this is what happens with every prophet. 

Why are we so astonished that their death should 

be so calm, so full of faith and hope ? 

Precious remembrance ! I learn that this incom- 
parable man, a fortnight before his death, had sent 
from Florence an order to his publisher in Boston 
to furnish me with all his writings. Already several 
of his works, containing gracious words, written by 



Boston 147 



his own hand, were in my possession, but this new 
and last testimony of his affectionate remembrance 
touches me more deeply than all the others. 

The death of the just is precious in the sight of 
the Lord. To-day we held the memorial service 
to Theodore Parker. What an immense throng 
gathered at the Music Hall. The quality of the 
audience was not less remarkable than their num- 
ber. There were only men present — I mean free 
and intelligent beings. The soul of this great man 
seemed to soar over the vast crowd and to inspire 
each one with a sense of the sacredness of life and 
the dignity of manhood. 

Give honor to whom honor is due. The most 
worthy, best instructed, most distinguished men in 
every way, whom I have known in the Roman 
Church are the Jesuits, and I particularly appreci- 
ate the religious and spiritual experience which I 
acquired in their house of probation at Avignon. 
Though one must repudiate the system, one cannot 
but admire the men. I can say as much of the 
Unitarians. They are for me the most intelligent 
of Protestant ministers, and in almost every 
instance superior men. Their liberalism is sincere ; 
they love and preach virtue for its own sake ; their 
discourses are less sermons than lofty moral essays 



148 B Sours pilgrimage 

in which the conscience as well as the mind finds 
much to stimulate and strengthen it. Of all those 
who honored me with their friendship, there was 
not one for whom I did not entertain a high and 
sincere regard. But I must mention one especially, 
the best man, perhaps, whom I have had the privi- 
lege of knowing, the Rev. Dr. Gannett, contempo- 
rary and successor to Dr. Channing. I remember, 
that on one occasion he spoke in words of the most 
sincere admiration of M. de Cheverus, the first 
Roman Bishop of Boston. He told me this 
story. 

Abandoned in a miserable cabin outside of 
Boston was an infirm negro. The bishop found 
him out and without informing anyone, every 
evening, after his day's duties, quietly made his 
way to the cabin and spent his time with this 
afflicted creature, washing and dressing his sores, 
making his bed, and providing for his various 
wants. His servant remarked that each evening 
the bishop's coat was covered with dust and 
feathers, and wondering where his master spent 
his time, followed him afar off on one of his even- 
ing excursions. Seeing him enter the cabin, he 
followed, and looking through the loose timbers 
which made the wall, saw this man of God 
engaged in his work of mercy. Dr. Gannett told 
me this story with a kind of admiration for such 



JBoston 149 



devotion on the part of a prelate. Little did he 
suppose that I, myself, would surprise him in the 
exercise of a no less humble and Christlike 
charity. I had been told that a certain German 
teacher was lying ill in a cold and comfortless 
attic in a miserable quarter of the city and had no 
one to take care of him. At my first free moment 
I sought the lodging of this poor man, but Dr. 
Gannett was there before me. I found him at the 
door with a broom in his hand, with which he had 
been sweeping the room of the invalid. I entered 
and found the sick man sitting up in front of a 
newly lighted fire, carefully rolled up in a blanket, 
eating grapes which had been brought him by the 
good Samaritan. The mattress had been removed 
from the bed, the sheets had been put out to air, 
the meager furnishings of the room had been put 
in order, and all this by the hand of my excellent 
friend, who appeared quite confused to be caught 
in the act. 

His embarrassment was not less when, on 
another occasion, I discovered him in one of the 
back streets of Boston carrying a bowl of steaming 
broth into a miserable-looking abode, where, no 
doubt, dwelt another of his charges. 

My life and work at Harvard University continued 
until the outbreak of the Rebellion. Naturally 



iso B Sours fMlgrimase 

the college life was affected by this serious 
trouble, and many departments of the university 
were virtually shut down. Both among the pro- 
fessors and the students the most ardent patriotism 
was manifested, and when the call came for volun- 
teers, a large proportion of our number were not 
slow to respond. I remember a most affecting 
scene in this connection, which expressed the deep 
loyalty of both North and South to what they con- 
ceived to be the right. When it became evident 
that the country was upon the verge of a supreme 
crisis, and that war was inevitable, a general meet- 
ing of the students was held before separating to 
go to their several States. Some of our men were 
Southerners, and it became evident that at the call 
of duty fellow-student would be obliged to face 
fellow-student in the impending struggle. This 
thought cast a very deep solemnity over our meet- 
ing, and nothing could have been more touching 
than to see these men, who were presently to fight 
against each other, embrace one another with the 
utmost affection on the eve of their separation. 

The attitude of foreign countries toward the 
North will be remembered as doubtful. England 
was decidedly antagonistic, while France seemed 
to be uncertain. Her press was divided and by no 
means positive in its attitude toward the cause of 



^Boston 15 l 



the Union. It seemed to me that I could be of 
service to my adopted country by visiting Paris 
and communicating with those in control of the 
journals of the day, some of whom I knew, with 
the object of winning their support for the Gov- 
ernment. I called upon the Rev. Dr. Bellows, 
President of the Sanitary Commission, and suggested 
the advisability of such a step as I had in mind. 
He accepted my project most heartily, and after a 
conference with the Secretary of State, Mr. Seward, 
commissioned me to carry out this object. It was 
arranged that I should start for Paris without delay, 
see in particular each of the prominent journalists, 
preachers and professors who exercised any marked 
influence on public opinion, and work in the 
best way to bring them over to the cause of the 
Union. 

After seven years of absence, I found myself in 
Paris once more. My emotions cannot be des- 
cribed, nor is it my desire here to dwell upon the 
many recollections which came to me as I viewed 
again places so familiar and formerly so closely 
identified with my life. As soon as possible I 
sought interviews with the leading men of the 
Liberal party, Jules Simon, Eugene Pelletan, Pre- 
vot-Paradol of Le Journal des Debats, Louis Jour- 
dan of Le Siecle, Elisee Reclus of the Revue des 



152 H Soul's pilgrimage 

Deux Mondes, Frederic Morin, Edouard Fauvety, 
Vacherot and others ; all men of the highest 
standing in the world of letters. Those who had 
at first some doubt on the subject soon became 
convinced that the war was not, on the part of the 
North, a war for the sovereignty, but a war for 
deliverance ; that whatever might be the outward 
pretensions of parties and the particular views of 
many, slavery was the real cause of the struggle 
and its abolition must be the ultimate result. And 
from that moment, with a unity and persever- 
ance quite remarkable, each and all of these 
worthy men became earnest defenders of the 
Union, whether in public journal or in private 
writing. 

I was, above all, anxious to meet and talk 
with M. Edouard Laboulaye, for I knew him 
to be more than all others interested in the con- 
flict and in sympathy with this country. As he 
was not then in Paris, I wrote to him at his 
country seat. I received in answer a letter asking 
me to come to Bourg-la-reine and spend a day 
with him. Of course I took advantage of this 
invitation and passed seven of the most agreeable 
hours of my life in an uninterrupted conversation 
with M. Laboulaye. The chief and about the 
only subject of our talk was the American Repub- 
lic, her trials, her hopes, her institutions. Great 



Boston 



indeed was my surprise to find a Frenchman 
who had never crossed the Atlantic better acquain- 
ted with affairs of this country than many 
Americans, more earnest about the maintanance of 
the Union than many of our celebrated politicians, 
and appreciating better our privileges and dan- 
gers than many of our leaders. Of that conver- 
sation I shall only relate the rather strange 
circumstance which was the beginning of his 
acquaintance with the great men and things of this 
country. 

One day as M. Laboulaye was looking for 
some curiosity or lost treasure, on the shelves 
of a secondhand book seller of the Quai Voltaire, 
he by chance opened a stray volume of sermons 
by William Ellery Channing. Sermons by an 
American preacher were things new to him. The 
sum of five cents secured the novelty, and while 
pursuing his course towards the Champs Elysees 
he began to read it. The more he read, the 
more his wonder and interest increased, so 
much so, that he sat down under a tree and could 
not stop until he had finished the volume. Happy 
in this unlooked for discovery, he started to return 
to his house, when he encountered his friend, 
Armand Bertin, the then celebrated editor of Les 
Debats." Congratulate me," said M. Laboulaye, " I 
have just put my hand on a great man." " Well," 



i54 B Sours pilgrimage 

replied the editor, " one who meets with such a 
good fortune is to be congratulated. And who is 
your great man?" " Channing ! " "Canning?" 
exclaimed M. Bertin. " A fine discovery indeed ! 
Everyone knows Canning" "I don't mean Can- 
ning, the Englishman, I mean Channing, an 
American preacher ; " and forthwith M. Laboulaye 
asked the privilege of writing for the Debats his 
impressions of "Channing." The chief editor 
agreed. Not only one, but three articles were suc- 
cessively published on the Boston divine. Several 
others soon followed on other American celebrities, 
and from this moment this country and her institu- 
tions became the favorite topic of M. Laboulaye's 
studies. All his discoveries he communicated with 
a true enthusiasm, first, to the numerous hearers of 
his lectures at the College de France, then to the 
public through the journals or through his pamph- 
lets which were always read with avidity; and finally 
on this same darling subject he published two books, 
destined to remain as monuments of his wonderful 
knowledge of and devotedness to this country, viz., 
L Histoire Politique des Etats Unis — a standard 
work of the literature of this age — and Paris en 
Amerique, the best, perhaps, of modern satires. 
Thus, while he remained always devoutedly attached 
to France, as a revered and cherished mother, he 
seemed to have adopted and loved Young America 



Boston 155 



as a charming spouse. None has contributed more 
to make her known and appreciated in the old 
world, none has suffered more with her in the days 
of trials, none has rejoiced more in her final triumph, 
more cheerfully and confidently proposed her 
example to the lovers and even to the enemies of 
liberty in his own country. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

SAN FRANCISCO AND CHICAGO. 

WHEN I returned to America, the Civil War 
was at its height. The whole attention of 
the country, North and South, was concentrated 
on the momentous struggle. Every other interest 
fell into abeyance before the grave and critical 
problem which the nation had been called upon to 
solve. Naturally at such a time the thoughts of 
the people, especially in the East, where the storm 
centered, were not given to matters intellectual and 
educational. While casting about with some con- 
cern for an occupation, an unexpected proposal came 
to me from my friend, the Rev. T. Starr King, pas- 
tor of the First Unitarian Church of San Francisco, 
and the leading preacher on the Pacific Coast. It 
was largely due to his influence and eloquence that 
California was secured to the Union. Mr. King's 
plan was that I should come to San Francisco and 
establish a school on the plan of that of Mr. Agassiz, 
in Cambridge. An invitation to undertake such a 
work was very congenial to me, and came most 
opportunely ; I was more than glad to accept it. 



San ffranctsco an& Gbfcago 157 

From the moment of our arrival at San Fran- 
cisco, Mr. King threw himself, with all his enthu- 
siasm, into the project before us. A fine location 
was chosen in a most desirable quarter of the city, 
South Park, and plans were prepared for a large 
and handsome building. In the meantime the 
Parish House of the Unitarian Church was placed 
at our disposal. Here on February 1, 1864, our 
school was opened by Mr. King himself. The 
prospects were bright before us, and not the least 
inviting was the thought of being in close touch 
with a man of such an excellent spirit. From time 
to time we enjoyed most interesting conversations 
together, always on some religious, scientific or 
political subject. 

At one of these meetings, I remember, we 
remained two hours together in the gallery of the 
new church, communicating our views and senti- 
ments in an expansion full of charm. When we 
got up to separate, taking both my hands in his, 
he said : " It is Wednesday ; let it be understood 
that for the future every Wednesday, from two till 
four o'clock, we shall meet for mutual edifica- 
tion and conversation, like that which we have 
just enjoyed." Man proposes, God disposes. The 
following Wednesday Mr. King was lying upon 
his death-bed, and the Wednesday after that the 
soul of this man of God was in Heaven. 



^58 % Soul's UMlgrtmage 

March 4, 1864. 

What a date! What a day! What a loss! 
The best of friends, the most ardent of patriots, 
the most generous of philanthropists, the good, 
the noble Starr King is taken from us ! Would we 
have believed a few days ago, when he brought us 
a new testimony of his precious interest ; could we 
have thought it was his last visit, his last going 
out, the last occasion given us to hear his most 
sympathetic voice, to look in life upon his serene 
face. . . . All the city is in consternation. 
Friends meet and grasp each other's hands with 
tearful eye, but cannot speak. They say more 
tears have been shed to-day than during all the 
city's life. More than a thousand flags float at 
half-mast on private dwellings, as well as public 
buildings. O worthy man, how deeply your 
people love you ! 

March 5th. 

The manifestation of to-day in honor of the 
noble dead is not less worthy than that of yester- 
day. The remains are lying in state in the church 
which has just been completed, and seems now as 
if built to be his monument. A company of the 
First regiment of militia and of the Free Masons 
act as a guard of honor. From noon until ten 
o'clock at night a long file of people continue to 



San 3franci6co anD Cbtcago 159 

pass by and to gaze for the last time on the inani- 
mate features of him who, but a few days before, 
electrified the multitude. 

The following Sunday, not only the congrega- 
tion but many strangers assembled in the church 
at the usual hour. The pastor's gown was laid 
upon his pulpit. Not a word was said. Not a 
note was sung ; only from time to time the organ 
was played softly, while the people sat in mute 
contemplation giving their thoughts and their 
hearts to that noble life which had so suddenly 
been taken from them. The first regular service 
was held a week later, in memory of this holy 
man. The high privilege was mine on this 
occasion to voice the feelings of the people 
and to express their last tribute to the dead. 
It will suffice to give here simply the perora- 
tion : 

" And now, my brethren, what shall I say in 
conclusion ? What can we do to prove our value 
of the divine work performed by this great man ; 
to declare to God and our fellowmen how rever- 
ently we cherish his memory, how sincerely we 
wish to abide by his teaching. You, indeed, have 
been a chosen people before whom such an exem- 
plar was set, for whose spiritual benefit that holy 
life was poured out always freely, always in love. 
Allow me to say to you at this hour that the 



160 b Sours {pilgrimage 

greater your privileges, the greater your obliga- 
tions. In this spirit and with this conviction let me 
invite you to accomplish such an act as would 
have transported his noble heart. Let me ask 
you here before this vacant pulpit and on the brink 
of this sanctified grave, and under the influence of 
his ever living, ever loving spirit, let me ask you to 
declare from the very depths of your heart : 
"Yes, O worthy and faithful Pastor of our 
souls, as a testimony of our undying love and 
veneration, we here solemnly pledge ourselves 
to execute your last sacred will, we here 
solemnly devote ourselves, according to your 
example and teaching, to the worship of the 
Father, in spirit and in truth, to the service of 
humanity, to the salvation of our country, as 
you have loved and served them even unto 
death." 

For several weeks after the death of Starr King, 
I remained stunned, as it were, by this unforeseen 
and painful blow. My best friend was gone ; there 
was no one to take his place. It was he who had 
fathered our hopeful enterprise in the department 
of education, and now it became apparent that 
without his support such a work could not be 
carried on. Single-handed I did not feel compe- 
tent to further an undertaking on such an elabor- 
ate scale, nor was I able to bear the financial 



San JFrandsco anfc Cbicago 161 

responsibility of so large an institution. Our 
school which had been so lately begun was 
continued, but upon more simple and modest 
lines. 

In the comparative isolation which ensued 
after the death of my friend, with no inti- 
mate and sympathetic soul to commune with on 
the subjects which lay nearest my heart, I found 
myself confined to my own reflections and had 
ample opportunity to think over the many and 
varied experiences through which I had passed 
since leaving the Church of Rome. What came 
home to me in this review of the past was the very 
little that I had been able to accomplish in the way 
of practical good. I had been too much given up 
to my own ideas ; too much interested in religion 
from merely an intellectual point of view. Nor 
was this altogether unnatural. While a member of 
the Roman Communion my intellectual desires had 
been suppressed. In that atmosphere one finds 
little food for thought upon the great problems of 
life ; rather the mind is hemmed about and almost 
smothered by the ponderous dogmatism of this 
infallible Church. After my release from such a 
state of intellectual bondage, it was not strange 
that the mind should have taken exquisite delight 
in its newly found freedom and have intensified that 
phase of religion which had formerly been denied 



162 h Soul's Pilgrimage 

it. In this connection I find among my notes the 
following reflections : 

In my religious development I have just 
passed through a phase which all those who seek 
the truth must face, namely, that in which one 
says : " It is not to believe, that I wish ; I want to 
see and to know." I now understand better the 
necessity of faith ; I understand that religion must 
commence with an act of faith. No demonstration 
can prove God ; it is by faith that the soul appre- 
hends Him ; faith which is afterwards confirmed by 
observation and reason. Faith is thus the base of 
religion, as it is the principle of all great things. 
"He who believes shall be saved." "Blessed are 
they that have not seen and yet have believed." I 
am not astonished that the Divine Master has so 
much insisted upon faith. All his precepts may 
be resumed in two words : Believe and Love. 
Besides, faith in God and faith in immortality are 
correlative ; the second is the consequence of the 
first. 

While my mind was occupied with these and 
similar reflections, an incident happened which 
served to deepen my convictions on this point. I 
was walking one afternoon with a neighbor, a 
German savant, highly respected, but without 
religious faith, and I expressed to him some little 



San ffrancfsco anD Gbfcaao 163 

surprise that this should be so, when he frankly 
made the following reply: " Here," he said, "is 
something which will likely astonish you even 
more : I not only do not see any divine authority 
for religion, but also fail to recognize any in 
morality. If I am kind and faithful to my wife and 
children, it is simply because I find it natural to me 
to be so, and not because. I feel it any duty to act in 
such a way. If I treat my fellowmen fairly, it is 
because I am pleased to do so, and not because I 
recognize any obligation to adopt such an attitude 
toward them." I was quite taken aback by the 
candor of the man ; nevertheless, on thinking it 
over, it seemed to me that he was perfectly logical. 
Without God, there is no such thing as duty ; 
without religion, the very foundation of morality is 
obliterated. Righteousness becomes simply a mat- 
ter of expediency ; truth and justice have no other 
warrant than that society has found them useful in 
the propagation of its life and for the preservation 
of its order. The whole principle of morals is 
reduced to a utilitarian basis, and the soul's quest 
of virtue is no longer a thirst after God, but 
becomes simply a desire for the easiest and safest 
mode of life. 

As these convictions deepened, it seemed to me 
I could no longer hesitate in devoting myself 
exclusively to work which was essentially religious 



1 64 B Sours UMlgrimage 

in character. I had been a wanderer, restlessly 
taking up and putting down this occupation and 
that, seeking chiefly my personal culture, finding 
sweet pleasure in connection with men of rare 
mind and large spirit, eagerly pursuing the truth 
and giving my thoughts free play along every 
avenue of speculation. But now it seemed to me 
that I had a work to do and a mission to ful- 
fill to my fellowmen, my life should be made 
productive of good things, should be devoted 
to a definite object in the field of Christian 
endeavor. 

What distressed me above all else in the experi- 
ence through which I had recently passed, were the 
divisions among men, many of them men of ardent 
piety and lofty moral character. This spectacle 
of a divided Christendom, this sad misuse of the 
Gospel as a disintegrating rather than a uniting 
force, struck me as so violently out of accord with 
the fundamental principle of Christ's teaching, 
that I could not but feel pained by it. It seemed 
as if the sacred robe of Christ were rent in pieces. 
Such dissensions and differences among worthy 
men were not only the reproach but the weakness 
and inevitable loss of the Christian Church. 
Union alone could supply the strength needed to 
win an assured and complete victory. Even Jesus 
foresaw this when He prayed " that they may be 



San Francisco ant> Cbicago 165 

one, as Thou, Father, art in me, and I in Thee, 
that they also may be one in us." 

This supreme wish of the Master gradually filled 
my thoughts until I became convinced that my 
work in the future should be wholly given to the 
advancement of religion and especially toward the 
promotion of Christian union. With this determi- 
nation in mind, I looked about me for a place to 
begin. The city of Chicago seemed to offer the 
most favorable field, both an account of its central 
position and its cosmopolitan population. Accord- 
ingly, I decided to make my residence there and 
there inaugurate my little work. 

On January 23d, 1869, we held our first service 
in the principal Presbyterian church of Chicago, 
which had been kindly placed at our disposal by 
the pastor, Rev. Dr. Patterson. The attendance 
surpassed my expectations, and it was a pleasure to 
see not only the laymen but pastors from several 
churches in the congregation. I find noted in my 
diary this remark : " Our congregation could not be 
more mixed. Every Christian denomination of any 
importance is represented. Their representatives 
seem to desire to forget the differences which 
separate them from one another, in order to meet 
on common ground, that of a pure Gospel. Here 
there are no more sects. All are Christians. In 
place of the letter which divides and kills, is the 



1 66 b sours pilgrimage 

spirit which unites and gives life. My desire is so 
far accomplished." 

After several Sundays, it became expedient to 
remove our place of meeting to the Swedenborgian 
Temple, a handsome structure erected largely 
through the liberality of a much reputed banker, 
Mr. Scammon, who had from the start taken a lively 
interest in our work. Before transplanting the 
enterprise to this more favorable ground, it was 
thought desirable to give it a definite and charac- 
teristic organization. This we did, by choosing a 
Board of Trustees composed of representatives of 
each of the principal denominations, the Episcopal, 
Presbyterian, Swedenborgian, Methodist, Unitarian, 
Baptist, Universalist, and even a Roman Catholic. 
At least this was a sign of the predominant feeling 
among Christians of every sort, of a desire for 
unity. 

April 24th. 

To-day we held our first service at the Temple 
so well adapted to our work. The assembly was 
all that we could wish, both as regards quality and 
quantity. Feeling that it was desirable to say a 
word about the object and character of this under- 
taking, I defined our position somewhat as follows : 

"Our society is at length regularly organized. 
Its foundation is, as you know, truly Christian. 



San jfranctsco anD Cbicago i67 

Jesus did not dogmatize, but He declared that the 
mark by which his disciples should be known 
would be their love, one for another. This is 
evangelical doctrine. After the Master's example, 
we shall not dogmatize, and in matters of doctrine 
we shall throw each upon his own responsibility. 
We shall acknowledge not only the right but the 
duty of free examination. Beliefs blindly accepted 
and held are not what we desire to cultivate. What 
we want are deep convictions." 

My work of evangelization prospered beyond 
our expectation. Notwithstanding, as time wore 
on and opportunity was given me to study the 
question of Christian unity from every point of 
view, I began to entertain some doubts as to the 
wisdom and true utility of the enterprise. As an 
indication of the need for unity among Christians, 
it was certainly a positive sign ; but was it an 
efficacious means of accomplishing this purpose ? 
Was it not rather, in essence, an independent 
enterprise based upon my own private appreciation 
of the teachings of Jesus ? As such it might 
promote a more liberal charity of opinion among 
those who might unite with us. In reality, it was 
simply one or more added to the numberless 
independent bodies which the spirit of individ- 
ualism had already given rise to, only in this 
instance the purpose of our little party was to 



168 % Sours flMlgrtmage 

emphasize certain fundamental truths on which 
men might agree. If the idea were carried out to 
its logical conclusion, there might be as many 
different associations as there were different con- 
ceptions of Christianity and still the Church would 
be divided. I came to realize more and more 
that no permanent union of Christians could have 
its origin in an organization which an individual 
in any age might undertake to start, or in other 
words, no man can found a Church, for the Church 
is already founded upon the apostles and prophets, 
Jesus Christ Himself being the chief corner 
stone. So that the question is really not one of 
union, but of reunion, and the matter of vital 
moment is, whether there exists in divided Chris- 
tendom a nucleus about which the various inde- 
pendent bodies could come together and on the 
lines of which they might unite. 

It was thus that the question of the Church 
first presented itself, though it did not appear to 
me in all its significance until some months later. 

I devoted the discourses of my second winter in 
Chicago to the various characteristic marks of the 
Christian. Starting from the principle that to be 
a Christian was to have the spirit of Jesus Christ, 
I spoke successively of the spirit of faith, of self- 
sacrifice, of prayer, of liberty, of mercy, of the 
love of God, of brotherly love, etc., when, almost 



San ffrancisco anD Gbicaao 169 

suddenly, I asked myself the question : Am I in 
the right on this important matter ? Assuredly, I 
said, the essential condition of true Christianity is 
to be animated with the spirit of the Master. 
"Who has not the spirit of Christ is none of his." 
But is this the only condition required ? If, for 
example, the divine Master instituted a distinct 
and visible body of his disciples, with the mission 
to perpetuate his life on the earth, is it not mani- 
fest, then, that those only would have a full title to 
the name of Christian who, living inwardly the life 
of Christ, were outwardly identified as active 
members of that body ? 

Meditating upon this question, I devoted myself 
once more to the study of the origins and early 
history of Christianity. It was evident that Jesus 
from the beginning of his ministry had in contem- 
plation a visible and distinct society which should 
carry on his work and continue to perpetuate Him 
after his departure. The selection of the twelve 
and their endowment with special gifts and powers, 
the institutions of Baptism and the Lord's Supper, 
clearly indicate a definite organization as an essen- 
tial part of his intention. The outpouring of the 
Spirit at Pentecost and the subsequent develop- 
ment of the Church, together with the expansion 
of the ministry, betokened the growth of a spirit- 
ual organism destined to include, nourish and 



170 B Sours pilgrimage 

sustain the faithful of every time and every age. 
This, it seemed to me, was the evident design of 
the Saviour as expressed by those whom He com- 
missioned to carry on and extend his life-work. 

One thing was distinctly apparent. The Chris- 
tian Church existed before the Christian Scriptures. 
Far from the Church being born of the Scriptures, 
the Scriptures, at least in part, were brought into 
being by the specific needs of the early Church. 
Aside from their inspirational value, they serve to 
correct tendencies unfriendly to the pure truth of 
the Gospel and to oppose errors which had already 
crept or might in the future creep in from the con- 
tact of Christianity with pagan beliefs and supersti- 
tions. Manifestly, the Apostolic Church was scrip- 
tural in character, but this ought not to imply that 
these sacred writings were the source of its life. In 
view of the trend of biblical criticism, this point 
appeared of some importance, for even though the 
documentary evidence of Christianity might be dis- 
puted in part, the living witness would still remain. 

There were two signs, it seemed to me, by which 
one might identify a Church qualified to act as a 
nucleus for the reunion of Christendom, namely, 
apostolicity and catholicity. The simplicity and 
fullness of the apostolic teaching and practice, the 
maintenance of apostolic doctrine in just and 
rational proportion, without emphasizing one truth 



San tfrancfsco an& Cbicano 171 



to the detriment of others, the presentation of the 
person and work of Christ in positive form, seemed 
to me essential to any body claiming the title of 
apostolic. As regards catholicity, the fundamental 
principles I took to be historic continuity, inclu- 
siveness, and adaptibility. In the first aspect, that 
of catholicity of time, the unity of the Church in 
the past, present, and future is established. In the 
second aspect, that of catholicity of spirit, liberty 
of interpretation is allowed for, and thus progres- 
siveness is made possible. In the third aspect, that 
of catholicity of method, differences of language, 
custom and condition are recognized and a wide 
diversity of instrumentalities provided for. 

While following out this line of study and 
thought, an incident happened which gave my 
ideas a more definite form. One of the sons of the 
Bishop of Illinois frequently attended our services. 
The views I expressed interested and pleased him. 
He spoke of them to his father, the learned Dr. 
Whitehouse, who immediately expressed a desire 
to see and talk with me. Our first interview was 
of two hours, and was marked throughout by the 
utmost candor on the part of each of us. 

I found the bishop more liberal than I had been 
led to expect. What I said to him relative to 
the Church and the urgent need of endeavoring 
to promote a visible and organic union of all 



172 H Sours pilgrimage 

Christians and also the reasons why the Episcopal 
Church appeared to me suited as a base and 
model for such reorganization seemed to please 
him very much. " Truly," the bishop said to me 
as I left him, " I cannot see what prevents you 
from taking steps toward becoming one of us, for 
I know few of our clergy who hold such broad 
and healthy views upon this important question." 
Four or five other interviews with the bishop, in 
which I explained to him my position and way of 
viewing things, dissipated any doubts which I had 
as to the propriety of identifying myself with the 
ministry of the Episcopal Church. 

Some days later, at a meeting of the Board of 
Missions, held in New York, and in the presence 
of several of the bishops, Dr. Whitehouse spoke 
of his experience with me, and the Bishop of 
Pennsylvania, the Rt. Rev. Dr. Stevens, expressed 
the desire of having me in his diocese. Accord- 
ingly, on the 23d of June, 1871, in the Church of 
the Saviour, West Philadelphia, on the presenta- 
tion of Bishop Whitehouse, and in the presence 
of the presiding bishop, Dr. Lee, of Delaware, 
and a number of the clergy, I was received as a 
presbyter of the Episcopal Church by Bishop 
Stevens. On the following Sunday I preached 
my first sermon in the Cathedral of Chicago, the 



San jfranctsco ant) Gbfcago 173 

city where my religious aspirations had at last 
found their best and fullest expression. 

Having reached what promises to be the end of 
my religious journey, it seems fit to look back and 
recall its principal stations. 

The most important steps of my spiritual career 
are five in number, viz. : 

1. Giving up the world for the church. 

2. Making my novitiate at the Jesuits. 

3. Renouncing Romanism. 

4. Seeking after truth. 

5. Joining the Episcopal Church. 

I gave up the life of the world under this 
impression : " What shall it profit a man, if he shall 
gain the whole world and lose his own soul ?" 

I made my novitiate at the Jesuits to obey this 
behest : " Covet earnestly the best gifts." 

I threw off the yoke of Rome to answer this 
appeal : " He has called us to the freedom of the 
children of God." 

I sought for truth under the divine promise : 
" Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall 
make you free." 

I became an Episcopalian in order that my 
religious work should be ''built upon the founda- 
tion of apostles and prophets." 



174 B Sours pilgrimage 

I want to save my soul — seminary. 

Salvation is not enough, I must aim at perfec- 
tion — novitiate. 

A man to become perfect must first be free — 
emancipation. 

He must love truth above all things and seek it 
by every means — earnest inquiry. 

He must teach as having authority — Episcopal 
Church. 

And this is what I propose doing in the well- 
named city of Philadelphia, likely my last religious 
station before giving up my account. H<zc 
requies mea ; hie habitabo quoniam elegi earn ! 
Please God, I shall endeavor to work according to 
the religious requirements of our time and in the 
broad spirit of the Episcopal Church. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

RELIGIOUS REQUIREMENTS OF OUR TIME. 

WE have reached one of the most solemn 
epochs of history ; one of those epochs by 
which the face of the world is renewed. We are 
witnessing the birth of a new age. Stupendous 
forces are at work in all the branches of human 
activity. Everything changes, or is about to 
change, in the religious as well as in the social 
order. 

The present time is full of analogy with that 
in which the Saviour appeared. What did He 
announce ? The fall of the temple — the material 
sign that the Mosaic institution was to give place 
to one more universal and more perfect. Judaism, 
in its relation with the general destinies of human- 
ity, had accomplished its mission, and a doctrine 
broader and more in harmony with the new wants 
of mankind was to succeed. A similar change is 
being enacted to-day in religious systems and 
social institutions. There is, as it were, a new 
infusion of the divine spirit in the religious world ; 
the living God seems intent upon raising on the 



176 B Sours pilgrimage 

ruins of the old a new temple, destined to become 
the universal shrine and sanctuary of the human 
family. The spirit of Judaism has been slow to 
die ; the spirit of Christ has not yet fully come ; 
exclusivenss and intolerance must needs pass 
away before inclusiveness and charity can be 
truly realized. The relics of paganism, seen 
even among Christian people, must be obliter- 
ated. Idolatry, superstition, egotism have yet to 
perish. 

Many are are the indications of this momentous 
and most blessed change. In the scientific world, a 
reverent regard for truth; in the social world, a 
deep desire for fraternity ; in the religious world, a 
widespread desire for unity. In every department 
of life all earnest and thoughtful minds find them- 
selves unconsciously tending in the same direction, 
passing out of the regions of strife and discord to 
the realms of peace and good will. The spirit of 
sect no longer enthralls them ; divisions are not a 
part of the divine intention ; life is one, for God is 
one. The separation of religion from science, the 
separation of class from class, the separation of 
church from church, which was the product of 
human infirmity, are giving place to a new faith in 
Christ as the unifier of all phases of life and 
thought. 



•ftelteious IRequfrements of ©ur £ime 177 

In the religious world a most encouraging sign 
of the times appears in this : Among all those 
who concern themselves with the deeper interest of 
Christianity and seek the best interests of human- 
ity, the same idea is reproducing itself incessantly 
under many varying forms, namely, less of theol- 
ogy, more of religion ; less of rites and practices, 
more of good works ; less of dogmas, more of 
morals ; less of the priest, more of the apostle ; 
less of creeds, more of the decalogue ; less of the 
churches, more of Christ. Religion henceforth 
will be recognized as divine inasmuch as it shows 
itself human. The best Christians will not be the 
most obstinate of the orthodox but the most 
benevolent of the faithful. In the teachings and 
spirit of Christ, religion and morality are one and 
inseparable ; or rather, religion is the sanctification 
of morality and morality is religion in action. 

" Read," says Dean Stanley, " the description 
in the beatitudes of those who are truly happy ; 
read the two great commandments in which our 
Founder said all his religion consisted ; read the 
thirteenth chapter of the First Epistle to the 
Corinthians, in which St. Paul declares that com- 
pared with charity or philanthropy, the percep- 
tions of theoretical truth, all manifestations of 
theoretical zeal are as nothing ; we thus see how 



178 B Soul's pilgrimage 

in each of these original conceptions of Christ- 
ianity the moral elements of religion outweigh all 
others." 

" Christ," says Robertson, "proclaims the 
identity between religion and goodness. Religion 
for Him did not consist in correct views, accurate 
observances, not even in devout feelings. Accord- 
ing to Him, to be religious was to be good, and 
because of this the Pharisees became his enemies 
— those men of opinions and maxims, of ecclesi- 
astical, ritual and spiritual pretension." 

The Kingdom of God consists neither in eating 
nor drinking, neither in sermons nor sabbaths, 
neither in history nor exegesis, neither in the 
inspiration of a book nor the infallibility of a man. 
It is virtue, justice, love, peace and joy in the 
Holy Ghost. What are the works of religion ? 
To attend the services, to hear the sermon, to read 
the Bible, to receive the sacraments ? All these 
are means to awaken and revive religious feeling 
in the soul, but the works of religion are some- 
thing else. Practical religion consists of all our 
duties, private, domestic, civic, professional, per- 
formed faithfully and in accordance with the will 
of God. The domain of religion extends to all 
that concerns man, the body as well as the soul. 
There are not sacred things and profane things. 



IReligious IRequirements of ©tit Gime 179 

Everything must be held as sacred. It is the 
province of religion to consecrate all things. 
" Whether you eat or drink, or whatsoever you 

do, do all to the glory of God." 

* 

Meanwhile, religion does not limit its action to 
the moral improvement of the individual. It looks ^ 
around for any great cause to be defended, for any 
slavery of the soul as well as the body to be 
abolished, for hypocrisy to be unmasked, for vices 
to be routed, for misfortune to be soothed, for 
evil passions to be subdued, for ignorance and 
prejudice to be dispelled, for every needed reform 
to be perfected, etc., and hence its social charac- 
teristic. 

The social question to-day stands in importance 
before all others, before the political and, in a way, 
even before the religious. It is impossible not to 
take a serious interest in it. It is our inmost con- 
viction that religion alone can solve it. Not such 

or such religion, but the spirit of Jesus Christ. 

* 

Christianity thus far has passed through three 
successive phases. Its first age was one of simple 
evangelical teaching. Then followed an age of 
dogmatism, when theological definition was of 
prime importance. This in turn was succeeded 
by ecclesiasticism, when the Church dominated 



i8o % Sours pilgrimage 

thought and life. It was not until the Reformation 
that the individual was emancipated, and secured 
his spiritual rights. To-day still another trans- 
formation is taking place. Religion is passing from 
the individual to the social sphere. Its chief func- 
tion is taken to be the practical expression of 
Christian principles in the relation of man to man. 
Its object henceforth is not less the regeneration of 
society than the salvation of the individual. To 
that end the Church has a double work to per- 
form, a personal work and a collective work. In 
order to save the mass, she must begin with saving 
the individual, and the individual must be sought 
where he is, i. e., at his home. The Church usually 
says : u Come and I will teach you ;" the Master 
has said : " Go and teach !" In such a vast under- 
taking every Christian has his own task, and should 
say : " Here am I, Lord, send me." Instead of 
that it is usually said : " Here is my check ; send 
some one in my place." Money cannot replace 
men ; each must pay with his own personality. 

* 

Moreover, in order to accomplish the mission 
entrusted to her, the Church cannot be too strongly 
organized. Every great enterprise in our day is 
promoted through organization. Even crime is 
organized, and in politics and elsewhere the greed 
of rapacious men makes headway only through 



IReligious IRequirements ot ©ur aime 181 

the ingenuity of complex organization. The need 
is imperative for the various Christian bodies of 
this great republic, being united in one powerful 
organization with one pre-eminent object, the 
regeneration of our national and social life. In 
these days, when the world seeks a new ideal and 
hungers for a larger life, the duty rests upon the 
Church to supply it with both. " If the Christian 
Church were all that it should be a single day, 
before night the face of the world would be 
renewed." The skepticism dangerous for Chris- 
tians is not that concerning the authenticity and 
authority of the Scriptures, but that concerning 
the vitality of the Church itself. Has she the 
power to save society from the evils which enslave 
it and the dangers which threaten it? Is the com- 
mon life her chief concern ? These are the ques- 
tions men are asking with no little dread lest a 
divided Church in which party interest still seems 
paramount to public concern should give back a 
negative response. 



CHAPTER XV. 

THE EPISCOPAL CHURCH. 

MY task in these concluding lines is to outline a 
few of the characteristics which belong to 
the Protestant Episcopal Church and in virtue of 
which she seems destined to occupy a central 
position in the cause of Christian unity and to fill 
the social, moral and religious wants of the future. 
I . She is catholic. 

A fact of first importance in the life of the Epis- 
copal Church is her historic and organic continuity. 
She has never cut off communication with the 
past. Without making herself a slave to tradition, 
she has been able to recognize the workings of the 
divine spirit in the faithful of every age. Her 
creeds are not of her own manufacture. They are 
the consentient voice of Christendom from the 
apostolic age until now. Her liturgy is a treasury 
of reverent thought and utterance from devout 
men of every time. Pulsing with the spiritual 
life of the past, she gives herself freely to the 
present and looks forward with confidence to the 
future. 



TLbc Episcopal Cburcb 183 

In distinction from Protestant bodies, especial 
stress is laid upon this fact : the Church is an 
organism — a living body of which Christ is the 
head. Its life is perpetuated according to plain 
biological principles. The organism does not die 
and come to life again. It lives continuously, 
binding the past, present and future in one. By a 
process of incorporation it brings the souls of men 
in contact with the divinely derived life. Its sac- 
raments are not symbols merely but vehicles of that 
life. This view of the corporate life does not 
invalidate the reality of the individual ltfe. Rome 
emphasizes the principle of incorporation almost 
exclusively. The soul is saved by virtue of its 
contact with the Church. Protestantism goes to 
the other extreme. The souls of men are saved 
individually — by virtue of a personal religious 
experience. The Episcopal Church believes that 
the truth lies in both views, reasonably considered. 
A soul is born into the world. The conditions of 
its life are twofold : individual and social. It 
has a life of its own and it has a life derived from 
contact with society about it. Both contribute to 
make its life. In her catholic position the Church 
insists upon the fact of the individual life but she 
insists equally upon the reality of the corporate 
life. The principle of solidarity is an essential part 
of her position. 



1 84 % Soul's UMlgrtmaGe 

2. Protestant. 

While the Episcopal Church is pre-eminently- 
catholic, she is also emphatically Protestant. In 
fact, she is the only church which protested from 
the first, and continued to protest as a church. 
Outside of her, the Reformation was a protestant 
movement on the part of individuals who protested 
in their own private name and then founded or 
joined associations already founded of those like- 
minded with themselves. The cause they espoused 
was a most sacred one and the principle at stake 
most vital. They contended for the spiritual 
rights of the individual and the principle of private 
judgment. In so positive a reactionary movement 
it is not surprising that so many were betrayed 
into extremes which repudiated not Romanism 
merely, but Catholicism itself. The Church of 
England, while denying emphatically the suprem- 
acy of Rome, retained her equilibrium and avoided 
the dangers of ultra-protestantism. As far as the 
innovations of Romanism are concerned, she is 
persistently Protestant ; as far as the principles of 
Catholicism are concerned she is eminently con- 
servative. 

3. Progressive. 

She has proved her right to this title when in 
the sixteenth century she freed herself from the 
yoke of Rome, determined henceforth to act upon 



£be Episcopal Cburcb 185 

her own responsibility, as circumstances might 
require. She has proved it, when, unmindful of 
the thirty-nine articles of her dogmatic epoch, 
thristing after that union which Christianity suffers 
for so greatly in our time, she solemnly and 
bravely called to herself brothers of any name, 
reducing to four the conditions of her communion 
with other Christian bodies. And at this day, she 
stands ready to welcome within her fold all 
Protestant denominations, without any demand for 
the surrender of individual opinion. Progressive 
as the human mind, while Rome reproves progress 
and in her dread of it draws herself backward to 
the deadness of the middle ages, and hopes to 
carry mankind back with her, our Episcopal 
Church welcomes progress, blesses it, and advances 
full of confidence toward the coming generations, 
for she feels that they belong to her. 
4. Ethical. 

The Episcopal Church is becoming more and 
more the working church. A parish building is now 
a necessary adjunct to the church building proper. 
And in these parish buildings benevolent work of 
every description and for all sorts of men and 
women, is constantly going on. 

Sir Walter Besan't wrote this lately of the Church 
of England : " The Church of England is now 
doing an immense amount of good. One cannot 



i86 B Sours pilgrimage 

overrate its services. I was asked some time ago 
to write an article for the Cosmopolitan Magazine, 
describing the working of a London parish, and I 
investigated the matter fully, taking as my field of 
study a riverside parish in the East End. I found 
there one hundred laymen and women, volunteers, 
working for nothing, under the guidance of the 
clergyman and his curates ; visiting the poor, form- 
ing clubs for the boys and girls, for young men 
and women, having mothers' meetings, children's 
creches, classes of all kinds, lectures, libraries, 
reading-rooms, gymnasiums, and so on." 

The following extract from a letter lately written 
from London testifies to the same effect : " The 
churches do more than they have ever done. We 
believe we are justified in saying that there is 
scarcely a slum anywhere, certainly not in London, 
where there is not a trained and eager band, lay 
and clerical, knowing everybody and everything, 
and fighting their best for the help of the 
wretched." 

It is a stated fact that the Episcopal Church in 
New York does more of charity work than all the 
other churches of the metropolis put together, and 
this is what explains her marvelous growth in our 
great cities. There is not one of the larger 
churches of the metropolis which has not at least 
one mission with earnest workers in some of the 



Gbe Episcopal Cburcb 187 

poorest quarters. Eighteen New York churches 
keep open houses during summer in the county or 
at the sea shore for the benefit of poor parish- 
ioners and other residents of their respective 
neighborhoods. 
5. Social. 

The late Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Benson, 
being asked : " What have social difficulties to do 
with the Church's work? Are they not secular 
and economic questions?" replied, "Yes, and 
therefore they are questions of the deepest 
moment ; they are the phenomena of the very 
world in which Christ is working. Let the clergy 
understand it so and preach and act accordingly, 
and they will find their power rise above their 
parish and other parishes. They will then be able 
to influence public action. * * * These ques- 
tions ef poverty and labor, amelioration of condi- 
tions, larger participation in the rapidly increased 
wealth of commerce, have grown so important 
that it is necessary the clergy should know and 
think, and be able to advise those who would 
gladly consult them if they thought they could do 
so with advantage." 

One who understood the importance of questions 
of industrial righteousness, is the Bishop of Durham, 
whose services in the great coal strike of ninety- 
three will long be remembered ; and so, too, 



iss % Soul's pilgrimage 

among others, the Bishop of New York, whose 
sympathy for every right aspiration of labor has 
so frequently been expressed and whose time and 
ability have been on various occasions so happily 
given to the adjustment of industrial difficulties. 
6. Liberal. 

This is, perhaps, the most distinguishing charac- 
teristic of the Anglo-American Church, that under 
her constitution men of almost every shade of 
opinion may live in a spirit of loyalty to her. 
Many efforts have been made to narrow her 
domain, to exclude those who did not agree with 
certain dogmatic theories. They have all failed. 
The fundamental principles of the Church are 
so much in favor of freedom and toleration 
as to embrace all these elements in her own 
liberal faith. Its breadth is such as to permit 
and include many forms of belief and practice. 
" Some of her bishops and people and editors 
may be low and some high," says Dr. Ewer, 
" but she is not sectarian low or sectarian high — 
she is broad and catholic. Through her Lows 
she shows, in spite of her Highs, sympathy with 
the members of the various sects. Through her 
Highs she shows, in spite of the Lows, sympathy 
with the organic ancient Church. Through her 
Broads she shows sympathy with the life and 
advance of modern thought and civilization." 



Gbe Episcopal Cbutcb 189 

While, therefore, I believe in the Catholic 
Church, not in the Roman Catholic (which is the 
least catholic, because it is Roman), but in that 
Church, invisible to-day to the natural eye, which 
includes all sincere believers in Jesus Christ, no 
matter where they are, or what name they 
bear, and known by God only, I hope in 
the Episcopal Church, destined, as it seems, to 
represent some day visible Catholicity, going 
back in its history to the first Christian ages, 
without pretentions to infallibility or immutability, 
admitting and knowing how to apply in case of 
need the principles of reformation and progress, 
ready to conform its teachings to scientific truths 
become incontestable, and to adapt its organiza- 
tion and its worship to the exigencies of time and 
place, recommending itself to-day more than any 
other church by the number and variety of its 
benevolent works. 

By the fruit we know the tree. 

I represent it to my mind as an immense cathe- 
dral with its grand nave and its side aisles. At 
the right it assembles those of its members who 
call themselves Catholic, having a side entrance in 
the direction of Rome. On the left side are found 
the so-called orthodox, ready to gather in by the 
transept door the Protestants, their brothers in 
orthodoxy. The vast central nave holds its doors 



igo 21 Soul's iPUgrfmaae 

wide open, inviting all the believers in Christ, all 
the worshippers in spirit and in truth, to enter 
there ; and they shall assemble from every point 
of the horizon, followed by the descendants of 
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. All shall then adore 
their common Father in a spirit of true fraternity. 
Thus the prayer of generations is heard at last, the 
reign of God has come, the supreme wish of the 
Master is realized. 

They are one in God and in his Church and 
there is but one fold under the guardianship of 
one Shepherd, Jesus Christ. 



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